Most people who have been dating for awhile understand that a first date is about talking. You want to find a quiet spot where you can both share your thoughts, be charming, and see if you connect. That’s most people, because recently I had a female friend, Kate, who ended up on the odyssey below, as a first date.
I’d love to hear about some of your challenging first dates.
Stage One – “Hey, let’s meet for a drink at Joe’s pub.”
That sounded like a good idea to her. She knew about Joe’s. It was close to her home, and she could meet this new person there, which is always smart when you’re making a new connection. Of course, when she arrived she discovered that her new romantic interest had invited her on a PUB CRAWL with 13 of his co-workers. “I just thought it would be more fun like this!” he said.
“Kate, meet Michael. He works in procurement. This is John. He is in acquisition marketing, and this is Ella, she manages the IT department.” On and on and on it went. Two random guys from the group hit on Kate, and as they marched from bar to bar she struggled to get a word in with her date.
Stage Two – “Oh my God. I love this band!”
As Kate gamely tried to count her drinks and chug a glass of water for each beer, they continued to roll around the neighborhood invading the bars. The crowd started to thin and she thought she might finally get to talk to her guy, but wait – bar number four has a BAND! A loud band playing Motown. Kate loves Aretha, but now any communication was only happening as a pitched yell, “HEY, SO ARE YOU HAPPY WITH WHERE YOU ARE IN YOUR LIFE?”
Stage Three – “I thought we were having a good time.”
You can probably guess what happened next. The pub crawl wound back around to the original launch point and Kate was ready to say good night. She had, literally, not had a 2 minute conversation with this man all night. He was a little drunk. She was tired and feeling ridiculous. “Let me walk you to your car,” he said. She declined. He insisted. She agreed. At her car, it wasn’t like he attacked her or anything. He just came swooping in, eyes closed, mouth open, stinking of beer, ready to give her the soul kiss of the century. She ducked, and put her forearm in his chest and he said, “What? I thought we liked each other.” She slammed the car door and made her escape.
Yes, Kate was young. The next time (and there would be a next time with a different guy) she knew enough to say, “How about we have coffee instead?” We all live and learn, but this date will be burned in her brain forever as the worst she ever had.
I can’t wait to hear your stories.
Gian Gonzaga, Ph.D., Senior Director of Research & Development
Grant Langston, Senior Director of Content, eHarmony Advice
Jeannie Assimos, Managing Editor, eHarmony Advice
Erina Lee, Director, Senior Research Scientist
Heather Setrakian, MA, Researcher
Emily Maywood, MS, Researcher
Jonathan Beber, Researcher
Becky Teraoka, Corporate Communications
Man told me he was on anti-psychotics because of a brain tumor when he was younger…was having problems with his ex – he admitted to me that he told her that if something should “happen” to her the courts would let him off because of his medication!
Is that real??? That is the most hillarious thing I have ever heard. I am rolling in laughter. Poor you , but it is what movies are made of.
My worst on-line date was the date that never happened! Met a guy, turned out we knew someone in common, his sister-in-law- so I thought that was good start.
We emailed and then he said I would really like to talk- ok he calls but turns out he is at work and really can’t talk on phone, so is whispering, hangs up several times and said I will call you right back. Then he is in parking lot talking to me and then has to go back into work. The next day he calls while getting his coffee out- but had to hurry to get to work. It was ridiculous but I let it go by.
Now he really wants to meet- I say ok when, where? Well his son is a waiter at nearby restaurant. I say well I don’t think that is such a good idea, your son being there. Once again- ok well I can’t talk right now to figure out so I will call you back. Calls back- yes let’s meet Sat ok. I already had said ok. There is still no plan.
Then the conversation gets weird, oh want to ask you if your hair is real? Really? I am like what do you mean- my photos are completely current- that is how I look. But then I recall his photo – just one – a professional studio picture and something seems off. I say what about your pic- oh yeah not real current but I do still look like that. Ok let that go by too.
We go back to let’s meet this weekend. Once again – ok I will have to call you back. He calls me back 2 hours later – which is now 10:30pm and says – I am sitting in the parking lot of restaurant where my son works- can you swing by now to meet. I say no – sorry that really doesn’t work, we were discussing meeting SATURDAY- you know – a plan.
Ok I will call you again to set something up tomorrow. He then calls me says – oh I forgot I have to go away for the weekend – I promised my ex-g/f I would install some cabinets in her kitchen. We are just good friends now. You forgot you “had” to go away ? An ex? Really ? All too bizarre now.
Now I am 100% done & out. He calls me again -I don’t answer. Then he calls 3 or 4 more times leaving messages and starts IM’ing me, where are you? You are the one person I really, really want to meet, call me back now, I am really waiting to hear from you. Stalking! I knew he knew where I lived because of the person we knew in common. Then I finally just blocked him in all ways, locked down my house, was totally freaked out. And he did disappear.
There was no indication in his profile and 1st few emails what a total weirdo he was. And that was after 5 or 6 other bad, bomb on-line dates as others have described- people you can’t even recognize from their photos, weird conversations etc.
Yes, Josmar, this is what movies are made of but many situations like this are not even funny. They are dumb and awkward.
Although I am not dating anymore I can’t stop wondering about what these people are thinking when they decide to meet dates. I have had many terrible dates with men I met through e-Harmony and Match.com. These two services attract customers who lack basic social skills. Number one is the doctor who makes tons of money and drives fancy cars but takes me for shopping to the Dollar Store with the explanation “this is my favorite store and you are a cheap date”. This was our second date actually. There were a couple of more disasters dates. I knew we were going nowhere but was curious to see what else the jerk would come up with. Like we went for a walk in the park and he accidentally stepped on a dog’s poo. We smelt it when we got back in the car, and his comment was, ‘oh, it could not be me, it is you’. You should have seen his face when he realized that it was on his shoe. Or we went for dinner to a small neighborhood restaurant and he concentrated on finding negative things about the place, the service and the food. The restaurant was his idea but he kept whining the whole time we were there. Once we went to a casino, and the jerk lost. Then he disappeared without an explanation – stopped calling and replying to my messages. Two months later he had the nerve to email me back: ‘hopefully you are not too mad’. I never replied.
There must be something wrong with MDs because I had a date with another unbelievably cheap one. We met for a coffee, and then decided that we were both hungry and went to a nearby place for food. He let me pay for my own coffee that cost a dollar and half, and I had to pay for the food for both of us because it was my idea and he was ‘on budget’. There was never a second date.
A friend of mine also met an MD (Match.com) and they realized that they were going to the same gym. The first date was at the gym. They worked out together and decided to eat something after. The doctor had conveniently left his wallet in his sports! car and my friend who was a student at the that time had to pay for the food.
1) She was 20 mins late
2) She was 30 lbs heavier than her pics and claimed only 10. I said nothing.
3) Her pick of meeting place was closed due to a private party, but I got the mngr to seat us alone.
4) Her opening question was, “So, why did your marriage fail? Did you cheat on her?”.
5) After 20 mins of her interrogating me, I put down 1/2 the bill for our drinks, told her this was not going to go anywhere, got up and bailed.
Our phone conversations up to this point were scintillating and I could not reconcile the experience.
My worst first date was with a man who has been a close friend ever since. 17 years ago. He just wouldn’t talk! It was like pulling teeth!!! We never dated again, until his wife lent him to me on valentine’s day right after I split from my husband….he wouldn’t shut up at that point! lol