What Men Really Want

Women complain that men only want one thing, but that's far from true. Check out what men are really looking for in a relationship.

What Men Really Want out of a Relationship
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While the old joke goes that what a man’s looking for in a woman is a pulse, in reality it’s far from true. Like women, men are on the search for very specific qualities and are likely to keep searching until they find them. Although what a man may want and desire of his partner may change during the years, here are some basics that should hold true over the generations.

1) Men Want Support

No one wants a sycophant, but a little support with his ideas and his problems can go a long way. If he’s taking it in the neck from his boss, let him know how you understand. If he’s certain that buying a ‘57 Chevy is ultimately going to be a sound investment, indulge him. The bottom line is, let him know you’re on his side, that you’re a team together against the world and all it can throw at you.

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2) Men Want Admiration

A distant relative of Support, Admiration will make all his achievements seem a little more worthwhile. If he’s climbing the corporate ladder or scoring big with his softball team, let him know that your admiration runs deep and that you’re swelling with pride. Take an interest, understand the details, help him celebrate: the further he goes, the closer you’ll feel.

3) Men Want Humor

Not for nothing do the personals always list ‘GSOH’ (Good Sense of Humor) high on the list of qualities men are looking for in a woman. Poets have waxed lyrical about it (‘The most wasted of all days is one without laughter’ – ee cummings), entertainers have hailed it, (‘Laughter is the shortest distance between two people.’ - Victor Borge), and in difficult and good times alike, a couple that laughs together stays together.

4) Men Want Sociability

Just because two have become one it doesn’t mean that the one has to sequester itself from the world. Sure, a partner will become his main ‘hang’, his go-to girl, but he needs feedback from the rest of mankind, and you need to be able to rise to the occasion. He’ll want to show you off, admire you as you socialize with ease, know that he can throw you in any social situation – whether with friends, work colleagues or family - and you’ll at least try to go with it.

5) Men Want Freedom

He loves you, he wants to be with you, he needs you – but you’re not glued at the hip and he does have interests outside of the relationship. While a man knows his life with a partner will change forever, it doesn’t mean he has to give up everything he enjoyed about his pre-you life. Whether it’s a hobby or a passion, let him indulge himself… and look happy about it too. What makes him happy will ultimately make you happy.

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153 comments on “What Men Really Want


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I have to disagree a little bit, about item#5 freedom. Some men want more freedom, some want less freedom. But most of us, want committment and cooperation. (What's the difference between food and sex? A lot, but it's too much to, talk about in one sitting.) Some men want to be the one whose in charge, of the relationship, especially when home. We can do fine, having a boss whose a woman, but off work, we need and want to be the one whose in charge. To take that away from us, is degrading and offensive, especially if we're asked to take charge and then asked not to, one way or another. Don't get me wrong, most of us want to give the lady a say, in activities, such as choosing a movie to see, but make the final decisions.

- September 24, 2009 09:54 PM

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pinz;426254 wrote:
pinz;426254 wrote:
I am back in the dating game after many years of marriage and 4 kids. I have been seeing a man for approx 2 months now. He is wonderful in all aspects of the word but only onMon-Fri. When the weekends come he disappears and I dont hear from him. He has also asked me not to call or text him. He will call me! I am at a point where I feel I need to let him go. I am 42 and I don't feel I need to play these games. I understand space and I dont mind him going fishing etc.. but why would he tell me before he leaves to remember I belong to him but I cant call him. Help.. very confused.
He's married, or is going home to his REAL girlfriend, AND he's using you. Walk away, he ain't THAT wonderful.
I heartily agree! Something is seriously wrong with this picture! And lets even give him the benefit of the doubt, and assume that he doesn't have a wife or another girl. Best-case scenario, he has HUGE intimacy issues! He's saying, "I want you in my life, but only at arm's length!" Seriously, any normal, caring partner in a relationship would at least give you their contact info and whereabouts! And even if the guy were going on a "guys only" vacation, they would at least give their lady a 5-minute "checking in" phone call once a day to let them know everything's okay! And he feels he has to remind you that you BELONG to him before he ditches you? Sounds like he also has control issues! Your dude has serious issues.

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Well, I'm a woman, but I will give you my opinion. He is a flake, inconsiderate, lies, and is very passive-aggressive. He is angry at women and is "acting out" his hostility toward women by his pattern of making dates with you and then faking you out. He is somehow gratified by letting you down. A man would probably say the cliche, he's just not that into you. Now you have to be just not that into him, and find a man who will not fake and flake. I'm no beauty queen, and am not very assertive, but men have not played me to that extent. I'm not saying he's evil, but he is passive-aggressive. Maybe he hates his mommy or his ex. Who knows. He's lucky you were still interested after he was laid off. A lot of women wouldn't stick around. Also, he was at least partially open with you that he gets depressed when he is not working and around the holidays, that's kind of a double whammy. He might be in a funk; it happens a lot with single and divorced people. We can be very moody. His inconsideration is unacceptable and it is a pattern with him. Patterns are significant, because they indicate underlying issues and neuroses. I'm sure he wouldn't want you to play with his feelings like that, so he in kind should not do that with you. He sounds depressed, "messed up" usually is code for depression. And men may be correct in their hunch that he is ambivalent about you or about dating in general.
Now...if the roles were reversed in the original story (the poster were a man and the flake were a woman), then I'd say that this response might hold some water. But many women fall into the trap of interpreting men through women eyes. Men don't typically manipulate the feelings of others or play catty games in order to satisfy their vengeful woman-hating desires. It really sounds like this guy was serious when he says he has a hard time handling a loss of a job. Most men do. The way men are wired, occupation has a lot more to do with their sense of self worth. Therefore, they'd feel less adequate of a human being when they lose their job. Falling into a state of depression does NOT mean that a person is "messed up", just that they need help handling their emotional burdens. Making plans and then dropping the ball is a common symptom of depression. So is withdrawing from people, making less contact than usual. I'm not coming to the conclusion that you should have stayed with him, though. It sounds like he is really not in a place where he can handle a relationship. If this happens to him on a regular basis, he really needs to seek help. Once he learns good coping skills and finds his value in who he is (not in his job), he could make a very good relationship partner.
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