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Have you ever heard the saying…
“On the wedding day, the bride is thinking of all the ways she can change the groom, and he is thinking of all the ways he can keep the bride exactly as she is right now”?
Funny? Not especially. True? As a man I don’t know about the first part, but most men would love for their bride to always be as beautiful as she is the day of their wedding. Of course, we’re realistic about the situation. Time changes us all, and I know that 55 is going to look different than 30 for both of us.
When it comes to the physical form of our significant others, what do men expect? What do we want? What do we care about, and what doesn’t matter to us at all?
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Staying alluring and attractive isn’t some mega-complicated routine that has to consume hours of time. In fact, it boils down to two things. If you attend to these two things you will remain sexy, attractive, and desirable by men for the rest of your days.
The Two Elements of Your Appearance That Really Matter
1. Keep Your Figure
Notice that I didn’t write “Stay thin.” That’s because we don’t want you to be skinny. Men want a woman who has a figure – who fills a dress with curves and a feminine form. Of course to a large degree your size is determined by genetics. Some people are naturally thin. Some are naturally larger. So, it may be practically impossible for you to become thin, no matter how good your discipline or intentions. But having a “figure” – a certain proportion between your hips, waist, and bust – is most likely within reach (even if it is hard work getting there).
Honestly, that’s what we’re interested in. Many women quite rightly point out that Marilyn Monroe was a size 12 (or 16 depending on who you ask) and that no one thought she was overweight. This is, of course, completely true and makes the point that proportionality creates the feminine form in the mind of a man.
2. Maintain a Sense of Style
Books have been written about style, and I’m no expert in women’s fashion. But let me tell you what I saw at lunch today, to illustrate my point. I went to a local deli to get a sandwich, and in line with me were a woman and her pre-teen son.
The mom had on a simple skirt, and wore shoes with a slight heel. She wore a thin sweater, with a scarf, and a nice shade of red lipstick. Her hair was pulled back. I remember glancing at her and thinking, “Wow, that woman really looks put together.” In retrospect, what she had on was very simple. It didn’t look expensive. It didn’t look like an outfit that was purchased to go together. It just seemed like she put some effort into her appearance, and it was, to use a word I can scarcely define, stylish.
I’m not talking about high fashion. I’m not talking about odd-looking clothes that are trendy. In fact, what I’m talking about is the opposite of trendy. It’s timeless. It’s about clothes that fit and aren’t baggy. It’s about clothes that accentuate your figure in the best ways.
Dressing with a sense of style takes your natural beauty and celebrates it.
[One caveat: I have guy friends in the South and Midwest who would be quick to say, “I don’t give a crap about style.” But if I showed them a photo of a woman dressed as I have described above, and the same woman dressed in a sweatshirt and baggy pants and asked who they thought was more attractive…you know what they are going say. Don’t let their lack of knowing about what they like discourage you.] And while I’m at it…let’s talk about the other side of the coin.
The Parts of Your Appearance That Don’t Matter to Guys
1. Wrinkles
I once met a very famous movie actress who was, at that time, probably in her early 50s. As I approached from a distance I could see that she was stunning. Thanks to the camera and makeup one can never be too sure how a person is going to render in real life, but she was truly beautiful. As I got very close, was introduced and shook her hand, I could see that her face was quite lined with wrinkles, laugh lines, and signs of her age. She had clearly not had any “work done.” Even at close range these signs of aging had no effect on her beauty. They were visible, and established that she wasn’t 25 anymore, but did nothing to detract from her attractiveness.
While there are probably extreme cases…wrinkles generally don’t destroy beauty. I’ve never heard a guy say, “I used to be into her but her face got so many wrinkles.” We just don’t care.
2. Elaborate Manicures
I use the world “elaborate” because most of the men I know like a woman who has feminine hands – some attention given to the care, softness, nails, etc. These are acts of upkeep that we notice and appreciate. The elaborate manicure is another matter – exotic colors, little cartoon characters, even precious stones. If you are doing these things because you love them and believe they are beautiful, that’s one thing. Men? We couldn’t care less.
3. Rock Hard Abs
There is nothing wrong with the gym. Staying fit, healthy, lean, mean, that’s all great. But a killer six pack? 3% body fat? Yawn. I’ve NEVER had a male friend say, “She’s great, and she can bench 120.”
4. Your Hair
Don’t get me wrong. It’s great that you have hair, and that it is clean and styled in a somewhat current fashion. But other than that most men aren’t too caught up in the color or shape of things.
[One caveat: There has been an ongoing debate about the length of a woman’s hair. Many guys will insist that they like longer hair, and for a certain age range that’s a fair observation. But over the years things change…and for most women (and certainly for most men) there comes a time when long hair just doesn’t work anymore.
So it isn’t scientific. It isn’t even broad-based. But I’m confident it’s right. These two rules will keep you attractive and alluring until you’re old and gray. The best news of all, if you’re a woman and interested in staying attractive to a particular man, is that these two things are very doable. I hope it keeps you from worrying about other issues that we just don’t care about.
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