The Relationship Killers: 8 Things you Should Never Say

We are all going to fight in our relationships, but whether we fight fair is another story. Avoid these eight phrases and you'll be one step closer to a happier, healthier relationship.


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Are the following eight phrases part of your vocabulary when dealing with the love of your life? Remove these fighting words from your love lingo and you’ll reap the rewards. Don’t, and your relationship just might meet the grim reaper!

“Then I guess we shouldn’t be dating!”

You wouldn’t tell your boss you’re quitting your job unless you meant it, would you? But sometimes, in a relationship, people are tempted to pull out the nuclear option just to get the other person off their backs: “If you don’t like the way I season veal, then you’ll never understand me! We should just break up!”

Save breakup talk for when you truly want to end a relationship, not as a rhetorical weapon. Otherwise, you risk your match taking you up on the offer and leaving you crying over steak for one.

“Why can’t you be more/less like my ex?”

We all have exes that have taught us what we do and don’t like in relationships. But the person you’re with now wants to feel special, not like the sequel to a bad romantic comedy. Don’t make it sound as though you’re still hung up on the past. Tell your current love specifically how you feel and what you want, but in the context of the present.

“I’m just too tired from working all day to help you with that.”

Of course, you’re not lying – you probably did get exhausted from rushing around and dealing with your boss all day. But in the modern era, when most men and women have taxing jobs outside the home, this is the lamest excuse in the book. Remember, the man or woman you love is probably as exhausted as you, and even if they’re not, they shouldn’t have to pick up your dirty socks, move a couch by themselves, or take the kids to lacrosse practice just because you did a little work. If you’re really tired, ask to trade or defer chores. Or better yet, just do whatever it is eagerly and quickly, so you can have time to relax and enjoy each other’s company.

“Let’s go grave digging!”

Have you ever complained to your loved one that they forgot to do something, and instead of apologizing they brought up something slightly similar that you once did? Everyone makes mistakes, but small infractions done long ago are not hooks to hang your hat on when you want to avoid blame for something you’re doing in the present. “You forgot to feed the dog five years ago!” is no excuse for forgetting to feed the cat today, and bringing up past transgressions simply leads to an escalation of blame and hurt.

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" I just want to have fun " is a common response when I ask a man what he is looking for in a relation ship.....kinda wonder what that means...in man talk,,,I mean I have a lot of single girl friends and I have not heard any of them say "I want to be misrable" of course we all want to have fun so what so the men mean?

- November 14, 2008 10:31 AM

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"I wish you were more..."

"I wish you were less..."

Acceptance, total acceptance is the key to a 'willingness' to make oneself vulnerable to a 'significant other'...from that vulnerability grows a lasting trust, and yes, finally, to a mutual Love. Expecting another to magically conform to a pre-conceived view or stereotype of one's 'perfect' companion is one of the most sure-fire ways to doom a relationship. Think how difficult it is just to change yourself in any area...then imagine the impossibility of the task when applied to another person. It simply cannot be done. Acceptance from the very beginning is the key that unlocks all doors leading to lasting Love.

- November 12, 2008 09:29 PM

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widowdad wrote:

nicole5 wrote:
The phrase that my boyfriend says that really bothers me is his response to my daily question when he returns from work, "How was your day sweetie", I say? To which he always replys, "loooooong". That's it that is all he says, long, no details, no interesting interactions, nothing. Surely something went on during his day that he could elaborate on. I come home and I have an overload of information to tell him and I never understand why he has nothing?
Nicole. Please. Your question obviously isn't working. Don't keep asking a question that produces a result you don't want every time you ask it. Remember the definition of insanity, doing the same thing over and over again while expecting a different result each time. Suggestion: Keep asking a different question that can't be answered yes or no until you find one that works. Examples: Tell me what you did today honey. What was the best part of your day today? Tell me one thing unusual that happened at work today. How were your interactions with your boss today? Experiment. Have open ended follow-up questions. Your guy isn't going to talk unless you find a better way to draw him out.

I just joined e-Harmony and surfed my way here, so be gentle.

For me, this question (one which my ex-wife asked a lot) was a minefield. The first years of our marriage were dominated by upheaval because the career field I'd pursued all my life prior to our marriage had changed drastically, and I was having a hard time finding a new niche for myself. And so, if I was going through difficult circumstances at work, I learned through hard experience that my ex-wife was emotionally ill-equipped to handle it if I shared honestly "how my day was" because any problems I might be having at work affected her sense of security. I really needed to be able to talk honestly with her about what I was going through, yet I could not. I mean, I really was going through some difficult circumstances at times, up to and including things like co-workers tucking firearms into their belts. Or maybe I needed to vent about being surrounded by such hostile, nasty people. Or perhaps gripe about the miserably low pay at the dead-end filler jobs I was being forced to take due to a lack of alternatives. But if I said anything that made it seem like I wasn't quietly keeping my nose pressed against the grindstone at work, she'd go into a panic or fly into a rage at my "unreliability."

Pffft... "How was your day, sweetie?"... The thought of that question still makes me sigh and shake my head to this day.

- November 11, 2008 05:26 AM

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