“I've never been married, though I was engaged once back in college ...but that ended back in 2001. I'll be completing my masters Dec. 2008. While I'd like to complete my ten years where I'm working at now (after I graduate it'll only be 2.5 years left)... for the right guy, I'd be willing to move before then.”
“I like to think of myself as mellow and friendly. I have solid priorities but respect people of all backgrounds. I've always been proud of the fact that I count among my friends conservatives, liberals, republicans, democrats. The variety can be a little challenging but also extremely rewearding. I feel very blessed!”
“A curious introvert. I've been around the world on mission trips and for work, but most weekends I prefer to sit home with my cats, a cup of coffee and a good book. I've worked as an Interpreter for the deaf in public schools, a robotics programmer, and a janitor. I absolutely hated English in school but now I write (one book of poetry finished and one fantasy novel looking for a publisher/agent.) I'm not good at creating art but I do appreciate it.”
What is "Baggage" You"ve heard the phrase before, and maybe you"ve said it yourself: He"s/she"s got baggage. Perhaps you"ve even noticed the impact of your own baggage on relationships. Les Parrott, acclaimed marriage and family counselor and author of several bestselling relationship books, says that baggage is the "residue of early years that impacts us today." Simply put, baggage is a collection of unpleasant memories from the past that continue to negatively affect our perception of and behavior in the here and now.
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Some may carry a full matching set from a more challenging life or just a small a carry-on bag from an isolated incident or two, but no one goes through life unscathed by baggage. As participants in this collection of experiences called life, we travel through picking up observations and "notes-to-self" that we file away for later use. No one would argue that it's a good thing to learn from past mistakes. Indeed, history can serve us well by teaching us better ways to approach similar situations should we encounter them again. The problem occurs when memories of events replaying over and over again in our minds develop into fears of experiencing similar negative situations in the future, and this overshadows any positive lessons that may be learned. This developed "baggage" becomes a roadblock to the goals we would really like to achieve.
The Mechanics of Baggage - How It Works in Our Lives Baggage may only feel like an insulator against future pain, but it's only the perception of self-control that makes as feel protected. In fact, holding onto these fears and hurts really just weighs us down and keeps us from moving forward. You may have had high hopes in a past relationship or marriage that this person was the "one" but you had no self-control over the eventual downfall of the relationship. As a result, you may find yourself wanting control of current and new relationships coming into your life in an effort to thwart the same kind of disappointment and pain you experienced in your past. In addition to being able to transform negative feelings of anxiety, depression, anger, fear and resentment that you may be walking around with into happiness and understanding, unloading your baggage will also help heal and prevent future consequences of toxifying perfectly good relationships.
You could meet a really great person with whom you are deeply compatible, but the baggage from your past could inhibit you from seeing that person in a realistic light. The consequences of toxic baggage are evident in situations in which people walk away from someone wonderful or end up driving that person away. Being overly protective of yourself and others can leave you closed off and distant from other people in the intimate parts of ourselves that need to be nurtured. Furthermore, baggage jeopardizes relationships by forcing us to step into a role from our family origins, like "healer," "joker/class clown," "problem-solver," etc., even though that role is far removed from who we really are and what we really need in a romantic partnership to be happy. We may have assumed that role to make our family happy, but what makes you happy is usually something far different.
The Good News—Shaking Free The good news is that you can let your baggage go, whether big or small, and welcome a new perspective into your life. Once baggage has been unloaded, current relationships and those yet on the horizon are freed from the past and you can truly discover and enjoy real intimacy—and when you feel it, it's like nothing else.
Follow these 5 Steps to Get Over It and Get On With Your Life
Your baggage can be a weight around your neck or a feather in your cap. If you let it , it can ruin your life. But if you learn from it, you become a wiser, stronger, healthier person... and the pain eventually becomes a dull ache, then an uncomfortable twinge,and eventually justafaded memory. Your perceptions will change with time too, and the baggage will shift.Face the incident straight on, examine it objectively... or as best you can, and after you understand the mechanics of the break-up, your part, their part, and circumstances surrounding it, then you can more easily move on. Just don't waste time shutting yourself off from the world. Your heart may be hurt, but it just proves you are alive. As the saying goes... where there is life there if hope... even when it comes to relationships. So learn, stand tall, give the world a smile, and try again.You can't ever find exactly what you want if you don't make the effort and look for it.
It sounds to me like you are all very young, That is great, but you may not understand how painful OLD BAGGAGE can be. My husband of 30 years cheated on me, 4 months before our youngest child turned 18.That was in 2006.
I thought that we were happy. We have 4 great Kids. We have been married for 32 years now. I thought that I knew him, I trusted him.This was supposed to be our time to have fun with eachother, now that all 4 of our kids are out of the house. We had worked so hard and done with out things for our selves, so that we could give our children what they needed. Now I spend most daysworring that my husband is going to see the other woman again. Or call her from his work phone, or email her from his work computer. I try really hard to think about my work, and to do my best while I am at work, but that "Old Baggage"comes into my mind and I hate to spend the rest of my life sad and worried. I would have trusted him with my life! He says that he is really sorry, he says that he loves me, and wants to stay married to me. How do I KNOW that he is NOT sneeking to see her on his lunch break? I know that I love him and want to stay married to my husband IF he is telling me the truth. Why do women even date married men? Why did she want to hurt me like this? I will never reallytrust anyone ever again.
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