Smothering - Can You Love Too Much?

Some people think that love comes in the form of frequent phone calls, text messages and joined-at-the-hip partnership. This isn't love, it's smothering. Explore the fine line between caring and stifling.

by eHarmony Staff

There’s no such thing as loving someone too much.  There is such a thing, though, as too much smothering.  And smothering can definitely scare someone away. 

So what does it mean to really love someone, and when does love turn into smothering? 

So let’s look at some differences between smothering and love.

Smothering takes.  It’s selfish.  When you smother, you’re really not considering the other person’s feelings and desires.  You may feel like you’re showing love, but if you’re being motivated by your own insecurity about the relationship or your own fears about losing this person, then you’re probably more in the smothering camp.

Love gives.  It’s generous.  It prioritizes the other person’s freedom and autonomy.  When you love, you’re willing to do whatever is best for the person you care for, even if that means you don’t get exactly what you want, exactly when you want it.

Smothering demands.  When you smother, you constantly ask about the future, insisting on specific answers and results.  You also demand attention or reassurance from the other person, requiring repeated statements of proof of their commitment level or feelings for you.

Love patiently waits.  When you love, you enjoy the present, allowing the other person and the relationship to progress at a comfortable pace.  You wait for both of you to become ready for a certain level of intimacy, instead of asking for premature answers or commitments that can put pressure on the other person and scare him or her away.