Singled Out: When You're the Only One Not in a Relationship

If you routinely find yourself the only one without a plus one in your social circle, you may eventually start to question your choices. Don’t let the pressure get to you! Instead, celebrate the single life.

by eHarmony Staff

During the course of your savvy single life, it's bound to happen -- you find yourself the only one in a particular social setting who’s still single. No biggie, right?

However, if and when the time comes that you routinely find yourself the only one without a “plus one” in your social circle, things can get trickier. You may start questioning your value, grow increasingly insecure, or obsess about if and when you’ll find your perfect partner.

Tip #1: Be your Own Arm Candy

When you're the only one single in your social circle, it's all too easy to get down on yourself. Everyone else seems so happily hooked up that, especially when you're going through a dating dry spell, you can start to feel isolated, alienated, or insecure. Sound familiar? If so, stop.

Instead of dreading going solo to your next social outing while everyone else has a date, give yourself permission to be your own arm candy. Buy yourself a fab new outfit, slip into those sky-high stilettos (or sexy sandals, bold boots, etc.), channel your inner diva, and make a confident entrance your friends will not soon forget. Turn on the charm, practice a little harmless flirting, and in general, be your most fabulous self. By letting go of any fears or insecurities you hold about being the only single person in the group, you allow yourself to enjoy the fun and freedom that goes along with being footloose and fancy free.

Tip #2: Celebrate being Single

While it can sometimes feel like being single is a life sentence you're forced to endure, it's simply not true. In fact, being single is nothing more than a state of mind. So while you're in the single stage of life, why not celebrate? Enjoy the freedom to come and go as you please, take pleasure in the endless dating possibilities by putting yourself in target-rich environments on a regular basis, and give yourself permission to flirt with cute strangers as often as possible. By making the most of this extraordinary time in your life, you take the pressure off of when you're going to find your perfect partner, and instead celebrate Y-O-U and the amazing life you already have.

Tip #3: Enlist your Friends for Help

Instead of looking at your circle of happily hooked-up friends as a liability, consider them an asset. After all, your friends’ boyfriends and husbands probably know a single guy or two worth meeting. Why not enlist their help by asking about their single friends? If they seem uncomfortable, let them know that they don't have to play Cupid. All you're asking them to do is invite those friends to your next social gathering so that you can get to know one another in a casual group setting. No pressure. If your friends still seem unwilling to help, they may need to be reminded that being single has its challenges and if the tables were turned, you’d gladly help them. Chances are, they'll be more than happy to lend a hand.

Tip #4: Widen your Social Circle

If you feel that being the only savvy single in your social circle is keeping you from meeting potential partners or in any way makes you feel bad about yourself, it may be time to widen your social network. Start by taking a look around your current network. There may be other fun and fabulous singles under your nose that you just haven't noticed before. Maybe a friendly coworker, neighbor, or friend of a friend. If so, great! Invite them to do something social just the two of you in the near future. If it goes well, continue nurturing that relationship and join forces to “get out there,” enjoying target-rich environments on a regular basis together.

If on the other hand, you don't know any other singles in your existing social network, do yourself a favor and widen your circle further. Look into singles groups, join a networking organization, or take a class/pursue a passion where you're likely to meet like-minded singles (not to mention potential dates). Stumped for ideas? Do something fun, such as enrolling in a salsa/swing/line dancing class, taking a gourmet cooking course, or participating in a foreign language conversation group. This is a great way to meet new people while doing something you enjoy anyway. Talk about a win-win!

Along your savvy single journey, there will be times when being the only single person in your social circle will feel incredibly stifling. But just as it's important to enjoy this stage in life and broaden your network of friends, it's equally important to practice patience. Being single isn't something to suffer endlessly through. Instead, with a slight attitude adjustment, you can easily fall in love with your footloose and fancy-free life. In doing so, you take the pressure off, and celebrate Y-O-U for the amazing individual that you are.