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"Why am I not getting more dates?"
"Am I doing something wrong?"
"Should I make the first move?"
Every day, readers write in with heartfelt questions like these. And we are listening. That’s why we're launching the eHarmony Profile Makeover as a monthly series.
Every month, real eHarmony members will be sharing their About Me and our team of experts will weigh in. They will provide tangible suggestions for improvement and we hope these real-life examples will help you make a better first impression with potential matches - on and off line.
All the readers we'll be featuring represent the real spirit of this advice community - they are dedicated to learning, sharing and supporting each other. We applaud their openness and wish them the best in their search for love.
Meet Miss eHarmony Profile Makeover January 2008
1. The fact that you are "passionate about finding more balance" sounds important and you allude to it later so expand on this point a bit. Why is this an issue for you? How are you working on it? Remember, you want to use your About Me to distinguish yourself from other women. With every question, try to give a real flavor for your life, your goals and your interests. Share interesting information that is important for a potential mate to know and appreciate about you. Be as open and real as possible.
You mention "sharing adventures." Adventure can mean very different things to different people. So clarify a bit. Give some tangible examples of what kinds of adventures you are up for with the right person. Are you interested in rafting down the Amazon together? Or are you more the type who sees exploring the newest restaurant in your area is an adventure?
Certain hobbies can come across as a bit quirky. “Doing magic” could fall into that category for some potential matches. So unless, it’s a defining part of your life, perhaps bring this interest up later on in the getting-to-know-you process. Instead, you could expand on why you are learning Spanish. Is it to help you on those far-flung adventures or is it to help you snag a promotion? Again details and a real flavor for your life is what you want to give your matches.
2. Great, strong descriptive adjectives!
3. This gives matches a terrific feel for you as an intellectually curious and resourceful person. Good job!
4. This section needs real TLC. Let's start at the beginning. You state that your match’s gender is the most important quality you are looking for in your search for love. That's a clear “don’t.” Yes, we know you probably intended it as a joke but humor can get lost in translation when you don't know someone and can't hear their delivery. So while some will get this is a joke, it could also be interpreted as flippant or worse desperate i.e. you’ll take a man, any man. This does you a real disservice because clearly this isn’t true.
Instead focus on fleshing out the second and third points. What exactly will the right match value in you? Your openness to new experiences? Your sensitivity and supportiveness?
Your third line insinuates that you want to take things slowly. Really get to know each other before diving into a relationship. If that’s the case, then just say that. Say you are in no rush to get married. Lead with the positive "spin" instead of the behavior you don't want.
One last note, on the princess line: every woman understands your sentiment but men might read into it differently. So again, just clarify. “He will make me feel like I am cherished and supported and loved” or “He will open doors and treat me like a lady.” Otherwise, it could be open to an interpretation that may be far from the truth.
5. Again, "being a nice person" is a too generic. Remember you want to distinguish yourself from other potential matches. Can you get more specific?
How are you nice? Are you a great shoulder to cry on? Are you always willing to take on extra work if it means helping a colleague in need? Are you always the one to suggest going out on the town when a friend needs cheering up? Give a feel for how you exhibit certain personality traits
in your behavior.
If you have a hard time being objective about yourself, go ahead and ask friends for examples. This is no time to be shy. It could be the difference of sparking the right person’s attention and finding the love of your life. Get input from friends you trust to be articulate but supportive.
6. Again avoid leading with the negative. Turn "time on the computer" into a positive. Talk about how Web savvy you are. How much you enjoy all the opportunities the Internet affords for learning, entertainment and connecting with friends.
Also make sure to check your About Me with a fine-tooth comb for little typos. It should be: “I am working to have more time for other things …” It seems small but spelling and grammar errors can be a major pet peeve for a lot of people.
7. Consider talking about things beyond basic needs like sleep and showering. Anything deeper? What stirs your soul? A sense of accomplishment? Art? Music? Laughter?
8. We’d suggest you list some titles of books that are meaningful to you so your matches can get a sense of your literary tastes. Go ahead and remove the last two lines. No need to state the obvious.
9. Again BE MORE SPECIFIC. "I am a good friend" is so generic it is practically meaningless. This does nothing to distinguish you from another match. What exactly is it that makes you a good friend? Dig deeper than the surface.
10. This reads a bit oddly. Don’t you want someone who wants to get to know you? Someone who will read the few lines you’ve put together on yourself? Is spending a few minutes reading really all that impressive when you are looking for a meaningful relationship?
Remove the second line. Again the humor we think you intend to convey with it just doesn’t quite read right.
Instead use this as chance to share something vital. What do you have to offer someone? What are your plans for the future? What makes you tick?
January’s Quick Tips
Be thoughtful: don’t be flippant in how you represent yourself and what you are looking for in a partner. Take the time to fill out the questions when you are not rushed or tired.
Be specific: give examples and definitions to words that could be interpreted differently by different people. Get input from friends if necessary.
Be yourself: give a real flavor for who you are and what sets you apart from the next match. Never be generic, stay true to yourself and what makes you unique.
What are YOUR thoughts on your matches' profiles? What are some of the best About Me lines you have seen? What are some of the worst? Share YOUR advice now!
Interested in getting help with your profile? You can be Miss/Mr. February, click here for more information.
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