“I've never been married, though I was engaged once back in college ...but that ended back in 2001. I'll be completing my masters Dec. 2008. While I'd like to complete my ten years where I'm working at now (after I graduate it'll only be 2.5 years left)... for the right guy, I'd be willing to move before then.”
“I like to think of myself as mellow and friendly. I have solid priorities but respect people of all backgrounds. I've always been proud of the fact that I count among my friends conservatives, liberals, republicans, democrats. The variety can be a little challenging but also extremely rewearding. I feel very blessed!”
“A curious introvert. I've been around the world on mission trips and for work, but most weekends I prefer to sit home with my cats, a cup of coffee and a good book. I've worked as an Interpreter for the deaf in public schools, a robotics programmer, and a janitor. I absolutely hated English in school but now I write (one book of poetry finished and one fantasy novel looking for a publisher/agent.) I'm not good at creating art but I do appreciate it.”
By asking a few key questions and listening carefully, you can learn alot about someone. Gather some important clues on your first date to see if you might be compatible in the future.
Most people who go on first dates are at least a little bit self-conscious.You want to make a good impression, come across as confident and charming and avoid any major embarrassing moments. All of that is perfectly natural.
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However, I also encourage others to be "other-conscious" on a date. That is, be keenly attuned to the person you’re with so you can evaluate the level of compatibility you share. Stay focused and alert to any "red lights" or "green lights"— indications that you should go no further or proceed at full speed ahead.
If you learn to pay close attention to all the clues you receive during the first several dates, you will end up with a wealth of information on which to evaluate your budding relationship. In order to do this observing well, though, you will need to be secure within yourself, because accurate observations always start with "getting beyond yourself." You can’t be so concerned about yourself that you miss important signals about how the two of you might match up.
Just the other day, a young woman told me, "I was on a date with a guy named Andrew, and I tried to really focus on what he was saying. Normally, I’d be worrying about myself too much to realize what he was all about. He made several statements that were subtle but definitely derogatory toward women. That’s a hot-button for me. Andrew was a decent guy, but it sure seemed like he had issues with women. I’m really glad I picked up on his attitude, and I might have missed it if I wasn’t paying close attention."
If you want to gain maximum information from another person, get him or her talking -- and then listen carefully. Asking key questions is critical to the process. These questions can begin with something as innocuous as "How is your life going these days?" or "What do you enjoy most about living in Norfolk?"
Then as you listen to what the person says, you can ask follow-up questions in a natural way, and you can move toward more meaningful topics. You want to discover what the person enjoys about his daily experience, whether he is happy and why, how much his job means to him, what his friendships are like, and so on.
Pay close attention to information about family background, especially the relationships with parents. I suspect there is no more important information available than that which reveals the depth and quality of these two primary relationships.
Although bombarding your date with one question after another would be inappropriate, any person who listens well and asks thoughtful questions will almost always be seen as caring and sensitive. Along the way, you can pick up significant clues about your dating partner's beliefs, background and attitudes.
To 4ucare.
It may serve you well to take a class in Englsih to improve your skills and assimilate into the American society.
P.S. You have at least 19 errors in your post.
And you, Grammarian, have misspelled the word "English" in each of your posts to this poor guy. He's not here for lessons in English, he's here for a sincere answer to his issues, and he deserves that as much as anyone else.
It's true he might meet someone in an ESL class, though. Someone who wouldn't judge him so harshly for something he cannot quickly change. I've been a teacher--and a published writer--for over 20 years, and I've learned delicious lessons from diamonds in the rough who may not speak as beautifully as we'd like. They're fluent in their own languages which can sometimes make ours tremendously difficult to handle.
I wonder how you'd sound attempting to ask for assistance in [I]his [/I]native language? And how you'd feel if the person from whom you were asking assistance kept saying, "I can't help you! So many grammatical errors! Leave me alone--go back to school, wouldja?!"
Just...a thought...
I want to comment on the part about looking at their relationships with parents when deciding on whether to continue dating. My experience is that one of three things happens:
[LIST=1]
[*]They become just like their parents (sunconciously mimicking how their parents raised them).
[*]The didn't like how their parents raised them (or more likely specific things about it), and react by doing the exact opposite of what their parents did (i.e. if their parents were too harsh then they become very lenient, sometimes too much so).
[*]Or, more rarely, they do some thinking and make their own choices rather than mimicking or reacting to how their parents raised them. (We all like to think this is what we are doing, but it's useful to look and see if we are just reacting.)
[/LIST]
And usually it is not an all or nothing thing. Often they will unconsciously mimic their parents when they grow older in some areas (sometimes to their own amazement and annoyance when they notice), while in other areas react and do the opposite in areas they specifically did not like. The more enlightened will chose their own path, but that takes a lot of self-analysis and research on what is better.
While their relationships with their parents can be very telling, do not assume that they will be just like their parents, or their relationship with you will be just like their relationship with their parents. Perhaps they want to create the family they never had, and do what they hope is a better job than what their parents did.
Just a few more things to think about. ;)
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