Is Your Mojo No Go?

If you want to be one of those people who snags dates with ease, you need to tap into your mojo. What's that, you ask? We have everything you need to know plus how to tap into it.

By the eHarmony Guru

“Got my mojo working but it just won’t work on you.” – Muddy Waters

Some guys just HAVE it. You know the type – walks in, smiles, looks around the room, introduces himself, and makes an instant connection to every woman he sees. He isn’t a cheesy “Hello Ladies,” type – instead, he has the one thing that women love and men die without...

CONFIDENCE.

We’re not talking about cocky arrogance. We’re not talking about aloof, rude behavior. A truly confident man exudes a sense of ease about himself, and imparts that ease to the people he’s with. He’s not out to impress, even when it’s vital that he be impressive.

In a recent reader question we asked, “What’s the first thing you notice about a potential mate?” A significantly large percentage of women answered, “confidence” and discussed at length the way a man carries himself. Possessing confidence is a trait that’s hard to nail down, and it encompasses a range of physical, emotional, and conversational tendencies.

But whatever the “je ne sais quoi” involved may be, these suggestions will help you get your mojo working overtime.

1. Set Aside the Fact that you don’t Feel Confident

There’s an old saying in the music business, “fake it ‘til you make it.” You may not feel confident, and although it may seem like the entire world knows it, it’s just not true.

If you pretend to be happy, self-assured, and totally at ease for an evening, one of three things will happen: (a) despite your best efforts you’ll be nervous and scared, which you were anyway, (b) you’ll spend an entire evening pretending to be at ease, or (c) you’ll actually become self-assured and at ease as the night goes on. So take a chance and ask yourself, “What would I do if I had no fear?”

2. Be less SELF-conscious and more OTHER-conscious

Most people with shrunken mojo are very self-conscious. They constantly wonder what others think of them and may actually have negative thoughts that work against their confidence. “She must think I’m so nerdy.” “I bet this woman is used to guys who make more money than I do.” This tape loop of negative feedback runs through the mind at crucial times, short-circuiting any chance of being at ease or confident.

The best way to fix this is to take a giant step in the other direction. Don’t worry that it will be a step too far. Overdoing it wouldn’t hurt, because very confident people often could not care less what others think of them. There are many famous people in this category who are unsavory for a whole host of reasons (Donald Trump and Gene Simmons come to mind), but there is no denying that they seem to think they are smart, funny and interesting. They never spend a second wondering if another person feels the same way.

An other-conscious person doesn’t waste time wondering, “Does she think I’m funny?” They use their inner dialogue to process thoughts about the person to whom they are speaking. They use that mental energy to notice things about the person and ask questions. It’s an effective mental trick that takes the focus of the energy off you and places it on the other person.