Print
Email
RSS
In the worlds of dating, personal success and self-esteem, our close friends are our bedrock. They give us a foundation of acceptance and advice, a solid base from which we can build ourselves into the people we want to become. But if we choose our friends poorly, their bad intentions can nibble away at our self-esteem like termites on a floorboard. Look around you – is that friend who’s hanging out at your house using you emotionally to make herself feel better? Is she a true friend or a “frenemy”?
Is she Complimenting you or Keeping you in your Place?
The hard thing about spotting frenemies is that they usually don’t intend to hurt you. They just want to boost their own egos and feel superior. And the best way to do that is to make someone else, namely you, toe the line just behind where they want to be standing. A frenemy, therefore, uses compliments that have a demeaning subtext. Be wary if your friend gives you backhanded compliments like these:
“Those boots look pretty good for someone with your build.”
“He seems much better than the guys you normally attract.”
“If I were you, I’d be very happy to get flowers!”
These so-called compliments are a frenemy’s way of letting you know that she has lower standards for you than she has for herself. And that can be worse for your self-esteem than any putdown from a known enemy.
A frenemy will make constant suggestions that seem helpful, but she really only makes them to buttress her sense of self-superiority. When it comes to clothes, she may suggest that you wear something, and then smirk and say that she’d never wear something like that herself. When it comes to dating, a frenemy may constantly encourage you to date guys or gals who are really wrong for you or whom you may not even find attractive or interesting. Your frenemy may hint that the person you have the hots for would never stoop to dating someone like you. Whatever they say, frenemies tend to talk to you in ways that chip away at your self-esteem.
Is She Helping You Edit Your Best Self or Rewriting Your Best Traits?
| Page: | 1 | 2 | Next >> |
Recent comments on this article
Read all comments