He's Dating Around. Should I Date Him?

Sounds like a lot of folks don't talk much when they date, and that's a shame. If both people aren't truly open with each other after a few dates about who they are and what they interested in, maybe you need to just drop it and find someone else who communicates better. Getting to the committed part requires good open communication. And some suggest 5 seasons of being with each other (not necessarily involving sex, condoms don't always work), to know what you are both like in different environments and times of the year. And to be honest, if this guy is in his early 20s, if he hasn't figured out his career and/or other goals in life, he may not know what kind of gal that he is looking for, or really be ready for a committed relationship (so then move on). Some of us mature later in life.

Last of 12 Relationship Thoughts cont'd: 12. Love takes time to grow, and should always start with friendship. When pre-marital sex occurs, the part about getting to know the other person goes away and the relationship usually concentrates on the sexual aspect. Marriage is about 97% great friendship and about 3% romance. Be aware that true love is unselfish and is about the other person, not about you, and puts the other’s person’s best interest above their own (if a man genuinely loves you, he will not be asking for sex before marriage. If he does, it’s to satisfy his own desires, not yours). Love is not that “being in love” with love feeling or that lust feeling that so many mistake for love. The lust wears off soon enough and if that’s what the relationship was based on (sex), it ends, sometimes with many complications like a baby, an abortion, emotional scars, an STD, etc, and it’s not just you who is hurt but your friends, your families, and kids of each party. Don’t complicate your life in these ways – it’s not worth it. Women want love, men want respect. If you want a man’s love, treat yourself with respect and set boundaries – don’t give him one part of the package (sex) ahead of time – make him want the whole package to marry – the mental, emotional, spiritual and physical components that make you YOU, and then after marriage, he can have all of you and you can be secure and confident in sharing your deepest, most emotional inner-most self with him in the confines of your life-time commitment to each other and not have to get up and go home alone or have him leaving! Lastly, keep your eyes wide open before marriage, and half-closed after! "Don't marry the person you can live with, marry the person you can't live without," - a gem my mother taught me!

Truly it depends on what your own goals are for the relationship. YOU say you are "ready" to date him exclusively. Does that mean date him as he is now, as in, someone who "continues seeing" other women, as in, he's even possibly still looking elsewhere, beyond the two of you!-- or, you're ready to see him exclusively IF he changes. It's hard to see someone for what they REALLY are, separated out from who we WANT to see them as, i.e. who we think they should be, or especially, how-we-think-they-should-change-because-it-would-be-better-for-them-when-they-do-change-and-they'll-be-ultimately-happier-in-the-end-for-seeing-things-our-way. It's so hard to admit that THEY have to want to change FIRST. It has to come from inside of them, otherwise it will never be a change that sticks. See him for who he is TODAY, THIS MINUTE. and THEN ask yourself if you are really ready to see him exclusively. Doesn't sound like it works yet, does it. --Ruth (and yes, I've walked a mile (at least) in your exact shoes, and walked away, with no lasting regrets, tho the first 3-4 wks were HARD!!)(good luck...)