Help! I Can't Stand the Rejection

Nobody said making your way through the dating world is easy. When you're hit with a string of bad dates, no-shows and never-calls, keeping your head above it all can be tricky. But never fear, eHarmony Advice is here to give you a boost.

Picture of a Woman looking frustrated in front of a computer screen eating takeout
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Does your love life feel like a broken record that keeps skipping the second date? Or maybe it doesn’t even get that far—you enjoy a nice email exchange and a couple phone calls but always wind up riding solo on the Lonesometown Express.

When battling rejection, how can you withstand the constant blows to your ego and still come out a champion? eHarmony Advice has a few ideas.

Keep some Perspective

Remember, in this world where people must constantly fight against disease, wildfires, and droughts, your dating issues are not the biggest problem humanity has ever had to conquer. And haven’t you had some successes in your personal life that far outweigh any temporary setbacks you’re feeling in your love life?

When love seems to be slamming the door in your face, it’s important to remember the windows you’ve opened for yourself. These can be personal goals met, adversities overcome at work, self-expression achieved through art, or the contribution made by helping others. And don’t forget the other types of love all around you! The bonds you have with family and friends are more important than a few relative strangers’ decisions on whether or not to date you. The support of people who care about you can even be the springboard that allows you to jump back into the dating pool.

Think Like a Salesperson

Have you ever had a job where you had to sell something expensive, such as a car or a set of diamond earrings? When people are shopping for someone dear to them, they’re highly selective, and many people walk out of the shop without buying. It doesn’t mean that your cars aren’t fast or your diamonds aren’t sparkly. These people may just want a car with more seat belts or different hubcaps, or they may simply be willing to settle for an amethyst.

A good salesman knows that every sale is important, but he also knows how to size up a person who’s not buying, so he can get on with his day and make a real sale. In the world of dating, make sure you don’t spend too much time or emotional capital on the people who are on the fence. Feel confident in yourself, and save your best sales pitch for the buyers who really like your brand.

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It has dawned on me that for most women, online dating is the first time in their dating lives that they have ever been rejected by men. If I am not interested in a match, I close them immediately. I think the temporary frustration of being closed is better than the prolonged frustration caused by waiting for someone's communication, be it positive or negative, and not getting one. Even on some other dating websites, where they have "winks" and "smiles", I will always thank them for contacting me (it's nice as a man for a woman to make the approach every once in a while)before letting them know I'm not interested. To simply ignore someone is quite rude, I would agree.
- November 17, 2008 09:03 AM

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I've been frustrated at the constant rejection on eharmony. It hurts when I get led on to believe that a guy is interested in me, only to receive a "closed" message the day after the date. On the phone, they tell me how sweet I am, how easy I am to talk to, how funny I am, etc. They tell me how much fun they are having on our first date and they even prolong the date by asking me if I want to get some coffee after dinner or go see a movie, which goes above and beyond what we normally planned for the date in the first place. The reasons for the "closed" matches usually end up being: "other" (which I hate more than anything...eharmony should get rid of that option) or even worse, "I'm pursuing another relationship." I don't know if I'm having problems because of my age. I've wondered if eharmony works best for people who are older because I seem to get the people who aren't looking for a long-term relationship.

- November 16, 2008 08:45 AM

beans1978 is ready, fire, AIM!!!

Toronto, Ontario, Canada

Posts: 13

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Enter the trading environment and you're faced with "rejection" on a daily basis.

Rejection is rejection, its all about psychology.

Being present in the moment can turn the fun on if you look at it from that perspective. But it is hard at times, but just being aware of it, you're somewhat present in the moment and having fun.

- June 12, 2008 08:48 PM

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