“I've never been married, though I was engaged once back in college ...but that ended back in 2001. I'll be completing my masters Dec. 2008. While I'd like to complete my ten years where I'm working at now (after I graduate it'll only be 2.5 years left)... for the right guy, I'd be willing to move before then.”
“I like to think of myself as mellow and friendly. I have solid priorities but respect people of all backgrounds. I've always been proud of the fact that I count among my friends conservatives, liberals, republicans, democrats. The variety can be a little challenging but also extremely rewearding. I feel very blessed!”
“A curious introvert. I've been around the world on mission trips and for work, but most weekends I prefer to sit home with my cats, a cup of coffee and a good book. I've worked as an Interpreter for the deaf in public schools, a robotics programmer, and a janitor. I absolutely hated English in school but now I write (one book of poetry finished and one fantasy novel looking for a publisher/agent.) I'm not good at creating art but I do appreciate it.”
Finding "The One" is not as easy as it seems. In fact, it's not easy at all! But begin with looking inward and you'll be one step closer to finding Mr. Right.
It sounds simple—get out there and meet Mr. Right— but finding your potential partner can sometimes be more complicated. The key is to first take steps that will make you a good match for someone else. That involves figuring out what makes you special, what you bring to the relationship and deciding what you want in a mate. All that remains is to let yourself be open to meeting new people and finding love.
Evaluate your Past
“It is always helpful to do a relationship inventory before entering into a new relationship,” says San Francisco-based therapist Brittany Olsen. Before you start looking for Mr. Right, Olsen says it is imperative to take some time to assess your past romantic relationships.
ADVERTISEMENT
Ask yourself what worked and what didn't and the reasons for each. Look back and determine in what relationship you felt your best and what it was about that person that brought out the best in you. “If a fine-tooth comb isn't applied to understanding what happened in the past, people unconsciously follow the same patterns.”
You can’t Find Mr. Right Until you love Yourself
“There are potential hazards of getting into a relationship if your sense of self isn't stable,” says Olsen. If this happens, much of your worth will be derived externally, from the person you are dating. True self-worth is internal. As for how to tackle this, Olsen admits that oftentimes it may feel too “touchy-feely and hokey” for a person to talk about who he or she “is” and who he or she wants to “be” but she encourages her clients to focus on what activities they like to do and develop that realm of their life. When you feel good about what you do you will feel good about who you are. “That is a great foundation from which to enter into a relationship.”
Decide what you want in Mr. Right
Take the time to make a wish list of all the values and characteristics you would want in a partner. This list should include items you will not budge on, for example: whether he wants children, is a nonsmoker or religious. When dating, continually ask yourself if your goals, interests and personal beliefs are in synch with the other persons. You shouldn’t have to compromise these items in an ideal mate.
When you Find Mr. Right, Don’t let him Go
You can’t find Mr. Right if you are not looking. After you have done your due diligence and evaluated your past, decided what you want in a partner and gotten your own emotions and self-worth in order, you are now ready to meet that special someone. Step outside your comfort zone, whether that be asking someone out on a blind date, asking friends to set you up or updating your online profile. When it comes to finding the person of your dreams sometimes you have to be the one to make the first move. If you begin to look for a good relationship with someone of character, you will find one.
[FONT=Comic Sans MS]Hello Im new to Eharmony but I want my two cents in . I have dated 14 guys sence I started dating as a young teen , here at 20 , I am worried I will not find Mr. right and end up older at 30 a spencster and beauty I do have will fade , :eek: and lonely in this world forever. I am so young but afraid to end up like my mother, fat, miserable, sick and lonely in life. I have looked everywhere even as a soldier in the guard. I know what I am looking for is rare and even if he finds me maybe I am too differant for him? I just been dating the last month 3 differant guys (not all at once singely, not a cheater) but I came out of a relationship with a guy after 2 years of dating and he started ignoring me out the blue and stop saying the words I cherished, "I love you, Tiff",:) he stopped loving me I believed and broke up with him and he never told me the truth cause he was too busy with school and work but I was there for him always and supported his job and college as he did mine. I don't know wat went wrong but I thought everyday he was the one, cause he had all the qualities and emotions were right its just his older got inthe way and he spend more time with them than me . Next guy it lasted 2 weeks gave me his number but didn't think how bad of serious relationship I wanted and got cold feet and was trying to save money for a car and place so he told me money is more important than a love a woman shows u when I got to know him, he left with a chunk of this soldiers heart with out thinking of others, and I guess he didn't love himself enough to love me back, Next one lasted 2 weeks again was an older guy at 24, more mature, but never was as romantic or said the sentimental things i wanted and expected, hold my hand, say "I love you a lot", be emotionally there, come to see me a lot so I dont have to drive to his place all the time, and talk to me to work out problems through thick and thin, plus he wasn't the right height in my taste (can't dance with a guy shorter than me at my wedding, sorry it feels weird I like to look up to a guy), he was 5'5 while I am 6'0 ft and it was weird for me cause I go for usually tall, dark, handsome and mysterious. Will there ever be a open window for mr. right to see me and do that right things back and be the perfect height, andsay the right things? I want him in my life that mr. right its just a struggle to find him when I have been open minded all the way and still considering My dream guy list, the men get pissed off if they find out about my dream guy list, I don't mean to harm them its just what I wanting in my heart. Then they get all offensive and say I am putting them down when I am not just showing them what I want and is ideal for me to love in qualities. They assume to much.:( Can anyone help me with this love crisis and heal my heart?[/FONT]
I agree with Scorpio. There should be more information about keeping Mr. Right.
I met Mr. Right a few years go, but I wasn't focused on getting married at the time. So, I just throught he was a great guy to date. I never talked to him about being exclusive, and he seemed to think I was no longer interested. He started seeing someone else and that women would drive 400 miles to see him every weekend so she could 'seal the deal' with him. Later, I realized that I could have made the same drive and I could have done more to show that I wanted to see him exclusively (I wasn't dating anyone else since he was the only guy I wanted to see, but I never told him this).
I don't like the manipulative recommendations from Christian Carter on the site, so it would be useful to get some articles from eharmonyadvice regarding 'keeping Mr. Right'.
I am totally new to all of this, But even I have issues with Christian carter's LOVE advice!! I hope that eharmony can be useful to myself and every one else because what ever it is that I am doing to find some one has not been working, I did use a little of carter's advice, but basically chilling out. Not being so desperate. (which I guess obviously doesnt work if you dont get a little aggressive in showing and telling the man what it is that you really want) It just doesnt need to be complicated any more in my book and I dont get why it is so hard to find the right person. Good luck to every one!
Not an Advice member? Sign up to contribute to the discussion.
Create an account above to save and post your reply. This information is private: only your screen name will be visible to other Advice members.
Advice members, log in to post your reply.
eHarmony account holders: your signup information will not work in the Advice Community. You must create an Advice screen name by using the sign-up form to the right.
Print
Email
RSS
Recent comments on this article
Read all comments