“I've never been married, though I was engaged once back in college ...but that ended back in 2001. I'll be completing my masters Dec. 2008. While I'd like to complete my ten years where I'm working at now (after I graduate it'll only be 2.5 years left)... for the right guy, I'd be willing to move before then.”
“I like to think of myself as mellow and friendly. I have solid priorities but respect people of all backgrounds. I've always been proud of the fact that I count among my friends conservatives, liberals, republicans, democrats. The variety can be a little challenging but also extremely rewearding. I feel very blessed!”
“A curious introvert. I've been around the world on mission trips and for work, but most weekends I prefer to sit home with my cats, a cup of coffee and a good book. I've worked as an Interpreter for the deaf in public schools, a robotics programmer, and a janitor. I absolutely hated English in school but now I write (one book of poetry finished and one fantasy novel looking for a publisher/agent.) I'm not good at creating art but I do appreciate it.”
Poets, songwriters and even scientists have pondered the question: what is love and what is lust? Sometimes it can be difficult to tell if you are in lust or love, both are hard to define and the division of the two can get blurry. Love is one of life’s most intense emotions, and when you are in lust it’s easy to think you are feeling love but the two are different. If you’ve been struck by Cupid’s arrow, read on to learn if what you’ve found is love or lust.
ADVERTISEMENT
Are you in lust or love? Love commonly starts out as lust and the two might even have an overlapping stage at some point in the relationship -- or lust may never turn into love. Lust is what first brings people together. It’s that initial desire to be with the person, while love is the desire to stay with him or her. They are both experiences felt by a person for another person but when you feel lust for someone, generally you’re just attracted to him or her; you don’t have that deep emotional connection that you feel when you love a person.
Is it physical or emotional? There are different emotional elements involved with love and with lust. When you are in love, you will find yourself connecting with the other person and feeling an emotional engagement with him or her. Lust sets you out looking for romance, which helps narrow down a potential mate from the world’s dating pool. Lust generally takes the form of a deep physical attraction for the other person that may never turn into a mental connection.
Are you in it for the long term? Lust and love are intertwined. Lust is what brings you in and love is what keeps you there. When you are in love with someone, you see a future with the other person and your partner is included in your life plans. Lust is usually for the short term and love is for the long term. Lust is a romantic infatuation, while love keeps people together long after the infatuation has faded.
What are you hoping to find? Love is an extraordinary experience. If you’re truly hoping to find love, remember that love has to be nurtured. Lust is an emotion you can rely on coming on strong and right away, whereas, love and romance are connected to trust, loyalty and an emotional attachment.
If you’re hoping to transform your relationship from lust to love, the most straightforward thing to do is to pay attention to your partner’s needs and be responsive to supporting them. If you think you’ve found love, don’t be afraid to be vulnerable. Let your partner know how you’re feeling. You have to be willing to trust your partner, which will promote the relationship and keep it going long after that first linger of lust has disappeared.
Read on for 7 simple ways to express your love! Tell us: How do you know when it's love?
However, if we have nothing substantial to say to each other, and I [I]still[/I] think he's hot, it can only be lust.
This is probably the closest someone has come to defining the difference between love and lust well in this thread, in my opinion. The basic feeling - physical sexual attraction - could either be simple lust or a component of mature love. It's the context, not the feeling. If someone "lusts" after their wife and dear friend after years of marriage - how could that be considered a vice? Isn't that part of their love?
What bothered me about this article was not only the statement someone else didn't like about lust being the one way to start a relationship, but also the implication that lust goes away once love comes along. I'll happily grant that love is stronger than lust, but in a fully realized relationship, lust should do more than "maybe overlap" with love. I still feel a strong physical attraction for my Love, and hope i always do. I don't think we should promote the myth that we have to choose between love and lust, or settle for one over the other. I agree we should be aware of what we are feeling, but let's allow for the possibility that we can fall in love with someone we lusted for early on, and continue to lust for that person long after love comes into play.
When she does things for you other than sex when you do things that would repulse other women. If you can say to yourself "why is she with me even though I do these things, or look like this, or dont think I'm good in bed, or don't make a lot of money?" then she's in love with you.
Lets face it, looks mean a lot to the human race. Its what you have to see everyday and I think you need to be physically attracted to someone in order to want much more out of the relationship. If you're not attracted to someone's looks then you "might" not want to get serious but it is definetely possible to love someone even if you're not physically attracted to them. That just might make things difficult in the long run. I think most people would like to be physically attracted to their partners.
Its probably easier to tell if your partner loves you if you feel you don't have much to offer or have to question why that person is with you.
If you're very conceeded and love everything about yourself you might not know when someone else loves you because you might love yourself more. If you're really hot (man or woman) then you might question yourself more about if your partner really loves you or is just lusting over your looks, sex, or money if thats the case.
Its a fine line but if you can take away certain parts of yourself/lifestyle and still have the same connection or better than before, your partner is probably in love with you. Its all about verbalcommunication though...not just body language.
Not an Advice member? Sign up to contribute to the discussion.
Create an account above to save and post your reply. This information is private: only your screen name will be visible to other Advice members.
Advice members, log in to post your reply.
eHarmony account holders: your signup information will not work in the Advice Community. You must create an Advice screen name by using the sign-up form to the right.
Print
Email
RSS
Recent comments on this article
Read all comments