“I've never been married, though I was engaged once back in college ...but that ended back in 2001. I'll be completing my masters Dec. 2008. While I'd like to complete my ten years where I'm working at now (after I graduate it'll only be 2.5 years left)... for the right guy, I'd be willing to move before then.”
“I like to enjoy the finer things in life with my special lady. I like to travel, I like the outdoors, fishing, boating ( I can sail and power boat etc ). I like films and trivia, an expert at Jeopardy etc. I enjoy cooking, and fine food. I am an excellent photographer, I also have been published as a writer, in major magazines.”
Whenever a new technology appears, a new sort of etiquette must grow up around it. It can be difficult to navigate the unwritten rules so we've created a guide to some of your most common questions.
Whenever a new technology appears on the landscape a new sort of etiquette must grow up around it. It takes a while for people to figure out the unwritten rules that surround the usage of the new tool. For example, somehow it was decided that "Hello" is the standard telephone response to an incoming call. In the early days of email, it was decided that USING ALL CAPITAL LETTERS WAS THE EQUIVALENT OF YELLING.
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Never has this slow definition of etiquette been more apparent than in the world of the Internet. Communicating with total strangers via websites has presented a whole new arena of questions concerning what is appropriate and polite. eharmony takes the issues into a different realm by bringing people together who are interested in personal relationships and therefore want to talk about important, sensitive issues. We are always concerned that eharmony members treat each other with respect and a high degree of etiquette -to that end we want to review a few informal open communication rules and suggestions for you and your matches.
Set communication guidelines from the beginning - It is always wise to make your first open communication exchange with a match be about the ground rules of discussion. You can decide how many times a week you will be sending messages. You can assure the person that you will let them know if you are unable to communicate for several days. Establishing a small amount of structure makes the process more predictable and comfortable.
Keep the first few messages short - We realize that after 5 rounds of guided communication you probably have lots of questions for your match. It is better to pepper those questions over several communications than to launch a barrage of quiz-style inquiries. Remember that your match may be communicating with others, in addition to the usual demands of daily life. It may be hard to find the time to respond to a 2,000-word note loaded with questions.
I have some questions about handling too many matches.
I must have set the importance levels of my criteria too low (Or am I just too generic? :)), and now have a massive backlog to clean up. Each match has had some attractive qualities, but there is simply not enough time to communicate with each of them. (I have closed about half of my matches for various reasons.) This still leaves [B]way [/B]too many to handle with real courtesy and attention.
Closures do seem a way to let both parties move onward, so I do not regard it as a purely negative gesture. Now for my questions, and my request for some feedback...
1. Should I use anonymous viewing to assess the backlog for closures? Would this in any way help limit the false raising of someone's expectations? I personally think the effect would be limited, if I immediately chose to close a match.
2. Has anyone used the "Taking a break" reason for closures? There are many of my matches that I cannot honestly reject without knowing them better. Most profiles are brief, and thus limited for (at least my) perception of insights.
3. My own profile is already [B]verbose[/B]. Would adding even more be the right way to help handle this problem? I can respect closure from potential matches.
Hello - I'm a new user (exactly one week from the Valentine's day promotion...). I had come to the conclusion on my own that you were supposed to close matches quickly if you did not intend to communicate. I have had over 60 matches sent to me in a week. Am I really supposed to write to 60 women and imagine myself falling in love with every one of them? I was emotionally exhausted after 4 days of writing to only 4 of them.
I think everyone has different ideas of the qualities that they need in a person to consider them as a serious dating partner. The "Guided Communication" phase is VERY impersonal. Don't fool yourself into imagining that you are developing any kind of "relationship" yet.
If you get a "closed" message from me quickly, please don't be offended. I get them from women every day. This is supposed to all be happening BEFORE we have developed any emotional involvement with each other!
I think it's best to think of eHarmony this way...tell me if you think I'm way off... ;-) - it's like you're at a really nice party where there are a lot of people who have common interests, needs, and desires. They're ALL single, they're ALL looking for someone...sounds ideal, right? But we are looking for monogomous, long-term relationships...would you ask EVERY person that you were introduced to that night out on a date? Come on!!! You might ask ONE of them in an evening.
We have to have a way to "meet and greet" without committing to a heart-to-heart talk just yet...or else I need to understand why eHarmony sends me 60 matches per week. I'm overwhelmed. Probably 20 of them would be wonderful partners for me in most respects. All seem like wonderful, balanced, happy women. I could become good friends with any of them. But is that the point? Become deeply involved with one of the first half-dozen women I meet? What if my ideal soulmate is Number #237? What if I hadn't waited? ;-)
Confused in Northern Colo.
Hi 68flh,
So glad to hear that you decided to join eHarmonyand that you took advantage of ourValentine's Day offer. While we do recommend that members communicate with most if not all their matches, this may not always be realistic if you are getting [i]too many[/i] at any given time. While we certainly don't want you to be overwhelmed, we also don't want you to miss out on a potentially wonderful match because you can't keep up with the influx of matches you are receiving.
To help you enjoy your experience and not be stressed out by the process, I would like to recommend that, instead of closing out matches right away as a means of managing the number of matches you are currently receiving, you consider turning off the matching service. This way you can go through your current list of matches and decide whether or not you want to communicate with or close out each match. Then when you are ready to receive new matches, simply re-activate the matching service on your account.
Also, while the Guided Communication process may not be right for you, many members like getting to know their matches through this process. We offer it as an easy, comfortable way for members to get to know one another and ask important questions early before engaging in full communication. However, we understand that many of our members enjoy varying styles of communication; so we also offer theFastTrack option. If a match responds favorably to your FastTrack request, the two of you will proceed directly to Open Communication, bypassing our Guided Communication steps.
Also, please know that our Customer Care team is available 24 hours a day, 7 days a week to assist you. Whenever you require account assistance, please do not hesitate to e-mail our Customer Care desk directly through the Help link located at the bottom of all our Singles site pages. Once your e-mail is successfully sent, you will receive a confirmation number, and a Customer Care agent will be glad to follow up with you.
I wish you all the best.
-Renee
eHarmony Advice Host
Hello - I'm a new user (exactly one week from the Valentine's day promotion...). I had come to the conclusion on my own that you were supposed to close matches quickly if you did not intend to communicate. I have had over 60 matches sent to me in a week. Am I really supposed to write to 60 women and imagine myself falling in love with every one of them? I was emotionally exhausted after 4 days of writing to only 4 of them.
I think everyone has different ideas of the qualities that they need in a person to consider them as a serious dating partner. The "Guided Communication" phase is VERY impersonal. Don't fool yourself into imagining that you are developing any kind of "relationship" yet.
If you get a "closed" message from me quickly, please don't be offended. I get them from women every day. This is supposed to all be happening BEFORE we have developed any emotional involvement with each other!
I think it's best to think of eHarmony this way...tell me if you think I'm way off... ;-) - it's like you're at a really nice party where there are a lot of people who have common interests, needs, and desires. They're ALL single, they're ALL looking for someone...sounds ideal, right? But we are looking for monogomous, long-term relationships...would you ask EVERY person that you were introduced to that night out on a date? Come on!!! You might ask ONE of them in an evening.
We have to have a way to "meet and greet" without committing to a heart-to-heart talk just yet...or else I need to understand why eHarmony sends me 60 matches per week. I'm overwhelmed. Probably 20 of them would be wonderful partners for me in most respects. All seem like wonderful, balanced, happy women. I could become good friends with any of them. But is that the point? Become deeply involved with one of the first half-dozen women I meet? What if my ideal soulmate is Number #237? What if I hadn't waited? ;-)
Confused in Northern Colo.
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