“I've never been married, though I was engaged once back in college ...but that ended back in 2001. I'll be completing my masters Dec. 2008. While I'd like to complete my ten years where I'm working at now (after I graduate it'll only be 2.5 years left)... for the right guy, I'd be willing to move before then.”
“I like to think of myself as mellow and friendly. I have solid priorities but respect people of all backgrounds. I've always been proud of the fact that I count among my friends conservatives, liberals, republicans, democrats. The variety can be a little challenging but also extremely rewearding. I feel very blessed!”
“A curious introvert. I've been around the world on mission trips and for work, but most weekends I prefer to sit home with my cats, a cup of coffee and a good book. I've worked as an Interpreter for the deaf in public schools, a robotics programmer, and a janitor. I absolutely hated English in school but now I write (one book of poetry finished and one fantasy novel looking for a publisher/agent.) I'm not good at creating art but I do appreciate it.”
Is your soul mate supposed to be someone who’s entirely different from you? Yes and no. Find out if you are meant to be or on opposite sides of the spectrum.
We’ve all heard it over and over again. “If you want to find a great relationship, look for an opposite.” Is that the best approach? How can someone who has a different set of values, attitudes and hobbies be so attractive? People who are dramatically different from us are often the most attractive. This comes from a common sense approach to social relationships. Our lives are usually enriched by connections to others who have abilities that we don’t have. Unfortunately, applying this lesson to our romantic pursuits is often a recipe for disaster.
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“If the qualities that attract you to someone are different from your own, be cautious, “ says clinical psychologist and author of How to Know If Someone is Worth Pursuing in Two Dates or Less, Dr. Neil Clark Warren. He points out that while opposites often attract, they also usually drive each other crazy over the long haul. Dr. Warren’s three decades of counseling married couples has led him to make “finding someone similar to you” one of the pillars of his relationship advice. “I don’t discount how hard it is to find someone who is a lot like you. It has always been difficult, and it’s become even more so, as diversity increases. But when two people come from similar backgrounds, they operate from a position of strength. Their relationship is made significantly easier by all the customs and practices they have in common.”
Forging a relationship with an opposite is so hard because every difference you have requires negotiation and adaptation. Accommodation and compromise will necessitate plenty of change. This change creates a kind of stress, and according to Dr. Warren, “If there are too many differences, you may not be able to survive all the strain involved in adapting to each other.”
Here's a good analogy: two people walking across our great country. On a particular day, they are on the same road at the same time, and they meet. Perhaps there is an attraction, or some reason for them to start talking to each other: perhaps one stumbles and one catches? Regardless, they begin to talk and relate. What happened next? Perhaps one comes from NYC, and one comes from Baltimore, but they are on the same road going to California. They are excited that they are going to same place. They talk, enjoy the time together for a while. Then one begins to see that the man is talking slower, the woman faster. “Are you willing to walk faster?” “No, this is the way I walk, I will not change my pace. Can you walk slower?” “No, I want to get there sooner” So, they part. Another couple meet, also both from different places, also going to California. This time, they are at a very similar pace, and they both agree to change cadence a little to continue to walk together. When they get to California, one says, “I can’t wait till we get to San Francisco, I will show you so much and we will have a great time.” “Wait…I’m not going to San Fran, I’m going to Los Angeles, and I know we will have a great time there! “ If they are willing to explore each others destinations, or agree on a common destination, then they have a match. Of not, they will again part. But the couple that meets and can negotiate a common cadence, and having had this experience before, right away discusses their destination and what they are willing to do at the destination; this is a winning combination. Even though they come from different places, perhaps had different gaits and maybe even different beliefs, it is the commitment to a common goal and destination that matters.
Opposites are traveling in different directions almost never get to talk to each other. If chance stops them both in the same place, and they perhaps they will spend a little time together in the middle, have a great time, and then resume their opposite courses.
They're supposed to,but it's not always true. It's mainly just an adage. It's my observation (maybe other people of observed it, too) that it seems to depend on just how much, or how they're opposite. And that some times, for opposites to be together 24/7 is difficult for the one whose opposite.
Actually, opposites no NOT attract. Likes attract, its cosmic law. When two people share the same basic beliefs, a connection is made. A key component is communication. When two people can share and exchange as if they have been friends since childhood, then that is a good sign. When two people can be awake at all hours of the night sharing childhood stories, dreams, and even hopes and aspirations, then you know you have a good foundation for a relationship.
Also, the couple has to be of a similar philosophical place. Do they feel the same way on the big issues, can they talk about inner desires and motivations, are they on tract with each other.
Finally, like in "Lord of the Rings" the one to rule them all, do they have the same goals and ambitions? If two people who have a good foundation have the same goal, or can get motivated by the same goals and are willing to commit to something that is bigger than either person as individuals, indeed, this is a winning combination.
Even the fastest most powerful car goes nowhere without the right fuel, and a relationship needs love, commitment, and open, safe and calm communication. With the commitment to something higher, it is easy to overcome everyday stumbling blocks, just like a cart with big wheels pulled can easily get over the smaller stones that can stall a push cart will smaller wheels. It's all leverage and the higher common purpose that allows the relationship to rise above the stumbling blocks.
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