Dating Older Women: 8 Things you Need to Know

You know what they say: Like a fine wine, women get better with age. Here's what you're looking at if you're thinking about dating an older women.

by eHarmony Staff

Men call older women “cougars,” while women call younger men “boy toys.” It’s a cliché that’s become an absolute reality. And it’s not just famous celebrities like Demi Moore, Paula Abdul and Madonna who are snapping up younger men… It’s happening in a town near you.

But what should a young man know about the realities of dating an older woman? Perhaps these eight things…

1) Offspring

At the risk of stating the obvious, the older a woman gets, the less likely her chances of conceiving. However, it’s worth restating because it’s a fact that’s easy to ignore at the beginning of a relationship. So if you definitely want kids in your future, you have to be realistic about your reduced chances and not brush this reality under the carpet. You also have to be realistic about your options: IVF treatment, adoption and surrogacy are all possibilities, but the process involved in any one of these can be lengthy, frustrating and expensive.

Similarly, there’s an increased chance that an older woman already has a family of her own, and a prospective partner has to be aware that she comes as part of a package. While for some the idea of such a ready-made family has its appeal, again, it’s wise to be realistic about how it will impact your life.

It will obviously restrict more spontaneous moments and bring you responsibilities you may not be used to. And much of the time, you could fall into the second position in her life. In itself, this doesn’t have to be a problem, but go into it with your eyes wide open, and make sure it’s what you want.

2) Sex

Here’s the good news: with women peaking sexually later in life and men peaking earlier, it could put you in perfect sync. However, expect some changes from your usual experiences. If you’re used to less-experienced younger women, be prepared to be told what she wants and how she wants it. You may not be in the driver’s seat, but that could turn out to be a good thing.

3) It’s Her Time

There’s a pretty strong chance that an older woman has a few relationships under her belt, and if she’s single again, she’s likely to have had her fill of men telling her what to do. If you’re the type of man who demands things to happen his way and his way only, you could be in for a tough ride. However, if you’re at the point in your life where you’d like more input from your better half and are craving a more collaborative lifestyle, then an older woman could be for you.

4) Social References

To her, a Partridge was a member of a bus-traveling musical family; to you, it’s an alternative to the Thanksgiving turkey. To you, Billy Ray Cyrus is Miley’s dad; to her, he’s the former owner of the world’s most famous mullet. While these differences can be fun – “When I was in my first job, you were in third grade!” - people use the experiences and references from their past to express themselves in the now, and if you’re just not getting it, it can be frustrating for both of you.

5) Cash

While, of course, many women are completely accomplished professionally, an older woman who’s been concentrating on, say, raising a family instead of a career is unlikely to have a solid source of income. If you’re ready for the financial commitment along with the emotional one, this shouldn’t be a problem, but again – be realistic about your future, what it holds and your responsibilities.

6) Health

Again at the risk of stating the obvious, the older a person gets, the greater her chance of falling ill. With any hope, you’re the nurturing kind and this won’t be an issue with the woman you love, but it’s important to understand your role in this situation. Also, bear in mind that if your older partner is somewhere between 45 and 55, she may go through menopause, which can hit some – but not all – women hard, the extreme fluctuations in hormone levels bringing on depression, anxiety, mood swings and memory problems, among other symptoms.

7) A Fling

Bear in mind that not every older woman is dying to get back into the dating game again, and instead she may just be looking for a fling. That’s where a handsome, younger man fits into her life, so if you’re looking for more, you should maybe look elsewhere. However, if you’re wanting something more casual, of course this could work for you, too. Either way, make sure you establish what you’re looking for before you get involved.

8) She's Hip to your Tricks

Again, if a woman’s had some serious dating and relationship experience, she’s going to know all your tricks. She’s heard all the lines, knows all the moves and can unconsciously gauge the dynamic. In other words, you won’t be able to get away with some of the things a more naïve partner would take for granted. If your intentions are good, however, this only works in your favor, as she’ll read you as the good-intentioned person you are.