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Closing Your Matches - What Does "Other" Mean?

You've just been closed by a match, and their reason is "other". What does that mean, and why is it an option? Wouldn't it be better to give matches the opportunity to write whatever they want?

by eHarmony Staff

In the seven years that eHarmony has been in operation few questions have been as persistent as the one that involves closing your matches. As many of you know, when one decides to close a match they are presented with these options.

•    I think our family backgrounds are too different.
•    I have too much happening in my life at the moment.
•    I don't feel that the chemistry is there.
•    I don't think our Must Haves and Can't Stands fit.
•    I think the physical distance between us is too great.
•    I want to pursue other matches at eharmony.
•    I am pursuing another relationship.
•    I'm just not ready for the next step.
•    I am taking a break from dating.
•    I would rather not say.
•    This match never responded to my request to communicate.
•    I think the difference in age between us is too great.
•    I think the difference in our values is too great.
•    Based on statements in their profile, I'm not interested in this match.
•    Because there are no photos posted/I couldn't see any photos.
•    Because I was put on Hold.
•    Because we are communicating outside of eHarmony
•    Other

Why does eHarmony provide an “other” option? Why isn’t there a field that allows users to write whatever they like?

When designing the communication system we had two goals.

First, we want to allow people who are the early stages of communication and have decided that a particular match isn’t for them to be able to close the match in an easy way.

We believe that eHarmony’s guided and open communication is a time when you’re simply trying each other on. You aren’t dating. You haven’t started a real relationship. You probably haven’t even spoken. You’re exchanging information, sharing bits of yourself, and trying to determine if a relationship might be interesting to both of you. This is a perfect time to make a decision to stop if you don’t sense a great fit – whatever your reason. We want to do everything in our power to encourage an early decision if you have any doubts.

Second, we want to protect our users who are being closed.

Providing an empty field that would allow for any type of input is a guarantee of hurt feelings and unpleasant communication. This is an unfortunate truism on the web today. We don’t believe it is good policy to allow a match, who is essentially a stranger, to critique you in a free-form manner. With millions and millions of users exchanging messages each day, it would be impossible to actively moderate such a feature in a timely fashion. We could moderate for inappropriate language, as we do in other parts of the site, but catching unpleasant, mean and derogatory language would be impractical.
 
What is most important in these situations is that one person has communicated to another person – “I don’t sense a good fit between us.” No matter what may have been communicated to that point, this person has decided to close the match. We know this is one of the most unpleasant parts of using eHarmony and dating in general. Rejection hurts, and there is no may to minimize the pain of that moment or the desire to understand why it happened.

But honestly, it doesn’t matter what this person thinks or says about you. What matters is turning forward and moving on, continuing to reach out and communicate, and being open to new individuals. Of course, there is a point in a young relationship when you are entitled to a break-up explanation. When you’ve been out on a date, maybe even if you’ve had some in-depth phone calls we believe it is appropriate to talk about a decision to stop communicating.

This is why we use the “other” option in our match close process. As always we look forward to your comments, and we will continue to use your feedback to try and make the site better and more effective for you.

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