Balancing Sexual Passion In A Relationship

A relationship can get muddled and off-kilter when a couple allows one aspect (most often, the physical) to get far ahead of the other aspects!

by eHarmony Staff

In any loving relationship, individuals need to maintain rational thinking and clear mindedness all throughout the dating experience. This means they must approach the issue of sexuality with utmost caution and clarity.

The best relationships involve two people who have worked hard to let the emotional, intellectual, spiritual, and physical aspects of their union develop at the same pace. A couple’s relationship gets muddled and off-kilter when they allow one aspect (most often, the physical) to get far ahead of the other aspects. Therefore, it's important to think through a few principles of physical passion before you find yourself in a serious relationship.

Passionate love always involves strong physical attraction.

If a couple genuinely loves each other, they will want to hug, kiss, and express themselves sexually. These desires are a fundamental part of everyone’s biological and psychological makeup. In fact, if you don’t feel your partner’s strong physical desire to be close to you, a crucial element may be missing. A lack of affection or desire for physical intimacy should raise a red flag in your mind.

There is a progression to the way sexuality is expressed.

Think of it as a chain reaction: sexual behavior moves from the simplest kind of expression (say, touching your partner's shoulder) to the fullest kind of expression. So the critical question becomes, how far along the chain can you go and still maintain full control of your sexual expression?

Every progression of physical activity establishes a new plateau—and it is extremely difficult to retreat once it has been reached.

Every level of sexual experience is so immediately gratifying that it’s nearly impossible to be satisfied by previous levels. That’s why every new step of sexual expression must be carefully decided upon by both people. This may sound too rigid to many because it runs counter to the popular thinking in our society. But if sexual expression is allowed complete freedom, and if spontaneity is treated as a primary virtue, this expression will develop “a mind of its own,” without any concern for long-term consequences.

Physical involvement must be managed with extreme care.

Strongly defined boundaries need to be agreed upon, and there must be self-discipline to stay within those limits. Otherwise, sexual expression can take control of the relationship and blind the couple to reality.  When sexual expression is not kept in check, the emotional, cognitive, and spiritual aspects of the relationship become slaves to the physical desires. Let us say it again: Physical attraction is critical, but it needs to develop in a coordinated way with the other aspects of the relationship.

Read on for similar articles in our Stages of Love Road Map!