“I've never been married, though I was engaged once back in college ...but that ended back in 2001. I'll be completing my masters Dec. 2008. While I'd like to complete my ten years where I'm working at now (after I graduate it'll only be 2.5 years left)... for the right guy, I'd be willing to move before then.”
“I like to think of myself as mellow and friendly. I have solid priorities but respect people of all backgrounds. I've always been proud of the fact that I count among my friends conservatives, liberals, republicans, democrats. The variety can be a little challenging but also extremely rewearding. I feel very blessed!”
“A curious introvert. I've been around the world on mission trips and for work, but most weekends I prefer to sit home with my cats, a cup of coffee and a good book. I've worked as an Interpreter for the deaf in public schools, a robotics programmer, and a janitor. I absolutely hated English in school but now I write (one book of poetry finished and one fantasy novel looking for a publisher/agent.) I'm not good at creating art but I do appreciate it.”
The vast majority of people you meet online are honest and well-meaning, but there are a few nefarious con men (and women) trolling the Internet looking to scam money. Here's what you need to know to avoid becoming a victim.
So you’ve met someone online and they look amazing on paper. Too good to be true? Well, they might be.
While the vast majority of people you meet online are honest and well-meaning, there are a few nefarious con men (and women) trolling the Internet looking to scam money. They figure the quickest way to your wallet is through your heart.
Fortunately, there are warning signs to help you avoid becoming a victim.
1. They Are A Little Too Good Looking
A profile photo that features a phenomenally good-looking person may be red flag.
Note the quality of the photograph. Anything too professional-looking should raise your suspicion levels. Scammers frequently pull photos of models from stock photography sites and use them as their own to attract people.
Look for any inconsistencies between the photo and the person’s self-description. If they claim to be down-to-earth and unconcerned with physical beauty, yet their picture looks like a Hollywood headshot, that should raise a question.
And if you happen to be one of those sincere, honest, beautiful people, make sure you include several snapshots that show you relaxing at home or with friends in addition to your professional headshot.
2. They Want To Move Too Fast
You meet someone online, you exchange an e-mail or two, and then all of a sudden they want your phone number—like right now. Our advice is to proceed with caution. With every virtual relationship, there’s a natural progression from e-mails to IM, to phone calls to finally, meeting in person. It doesn’t have to be in this order, per se, but use this as a general rule.
A person who wants to bypass from step A directly to Z should be considered suspicious.
3. They Seem Too Good To Be True
Scammers have a knack for creating online personas that are very attractive.
• The down-to-earth single father who has fallen head over heels in love.
• The beautiful young woman from a foreign country who needs help.
• The wealthy doctor who has finally found someone who understands him.
These scams are successful because the perpetrators are great at crafting believable situations that lower your guard. They need to gain trust in order to ask for money in the future.
Whenever you meet someone online who seems too good to be true or falls in love with you too quickly it’s time to step back and consider the situation. This person may be genuine and honest, but you’ll want to move forward in a cautious, deliberate manner looking for any other suspicious behavior.
I feel like I am reading what happened to my sister-in-law (who had just lost her fiance)...to a Tee. This guy , good looking, charming, started courting her while he was still living with his girlfriend:cool:(who ,of course, didn't understand him, and they were just like roommates)He at first took her on dazzling trips (no doubt told "roommate" they were business trips, and most likely used her money) Then he told her he was madly in love , she was the most beautiful woman in the world and he finally found "the one",etc. He, of course, had to continue to live out-of-state because he was working so hard at the time:rolleyes:. When he came to visit she was supposed to put him up, show him around and be at his beck and call,although he continued to pay for things. Male friends were forbidden :mad:(because he loved her so much). So far so good, right? Ok... now.. he loves her so much he has to move to her town. But guess what? He suddenly had no money:( She would have to "help him out" while he relocated, looked for a job etc. Oops, she mentioned she lived on a buget and couldn't support or help him.:eek: Oh No! he loves her so much but doesn't think he can move now:confused: .He never once looked for a job or a place for over a year, when visiting all the time. Well he's still back in Sugar-mama's town, so whew! maybe he can slither back to that:o. But he still will always love my sister-in-law (just in case he pops into town,or she comes into a lot of money) This is a true story.:eek: She still is hurting, but spent no money on him,;) so intact that way, at least. Would love comments, suggestions Thanks!
It's easy to judge other people and tell how they shouldn't be scammed until it happens to you. You start out intelligent, saying "no that will never happen to me". You do not heed the warnings and red flags. You end up in a broken marriage and you find your bank account with a suctioning sound constantly with no money from the dearly beloved being joined to yours, and it's always an emergency with his kids, gotta have this or that and at that moment you need to get out, now, at any cost, as you see your life and savings and all the people that mattered to you in the debris.
Whether they start as innocent chatting on line for 2 years before meeting, dating for a year, marriage...Once you meet these people, [B][COLOR=SeaGreen]they will keep doing their game on the next innocent sucker, like his new wife who has just bought him a new sports car, new house, new hot tub, new furniture, new motorcycle, the list keeps going. When she runs out of money he will go for the next lollipop.[/COLOR][/B]
Definitely watch out for those people who change their profiles to match their next skill, [COLOR=SeaGreen][B]talk a smooth line, write great words of love and always have a financial sob story, but they will probably be good looking and all the things you are looking for [/B][/COLOR]and may even be a deacon at their favorite church.
[B]Calculated Similarities[/B]
Don't reveal too many details about yourself too soon in early e-mail conversations, as clever con men can pick up on this kind of information and turn one-sided descriptions into "amazing similarities." I recently had an encounter with a man who, like me, did not post a photo with his profile, yet one of the first requests he made in his initial communication was for a picture (which I sent), promising that he would reciprocate in kind...and he never did. Instead, by his second e-mail, he was asking me to call him (something I did not do at the time), and by the third e-mail, he was telling me I was "THE ONE."
It was all moving WAY too fast, and I began to realize that, while I had shared many details about my history, activities and preferences, he had shared almost nothing original about himself, saying instead things such as: "That's amazing--I love doing those kinds of things, too!" OR, when I asked him to provide specifics about himself, he would respond by saying something along the lines of: "I'd rather tell you that in person," or "We'll talk about that later."
When we did talk on the phone after about five or six e-mails, he still had not provided a photo, but kept asking me about what physical attributes I find to be attractive, wanting me to tell him which movie star exemplified the "type" of man I prefer, and becoming very frustrated when I refused to provide a prototype. Essentially, he did not want to send a photo until he knew what it was I "wanted" to see, and I am now certain that whatever image he might have sent would not have been him at all.
Scary.
In addition, his work and living situations were quite undefined and when I continued to push for details, he cleverly backed out of the subject. He sensed that I smelled a rat, so not surprisingly, after our initial phone conversation, I never heard from him again...and never DID receive a photo.
Good riddance.
The moral of this story is: Be extremely wary of someone who is adept at getting you to talk in depth about yourself while revealing nothing about himself. He is gathering information so that he can tailor his responses to reflect what you want to hear.
Not an Advice member? Sign up to contribute to the discussion.
Create an account above to save and post your reply. This information is private: only your screen name will be visible to other Advice members.
Advice members, log in to post your reply.
eHarmony account holders: your signup information will not work in the Advice Community. You must create an Advice screen name by using the sign-up form to the right.
Print
Email
RSS
Recent comments on this article
Read all comments