Drama Queens and Crisis Kings
See if this sounds familiar: Someone phones you and begins breathlessly blurting out the latest dramatic details from his or her life, with all the urgency and intensity of a 911 call. There’s been a nasty argument with the parents, a row with the roommate, a blow-up with the boss. The particulars of this latest crisis-de-jour aren’t really the point; it’s another BIG PROBLEM to fume and fuss about, another calamity to fret over.
“It’s all too much!” the person effuses. “I can’t take much more of this. My life is crashing down around me, and I’m on the verge of total meltdown.” Again. Just like last week.
Got someone like that in your life? Someone who turns the most mundane situations into mayhem? Someone whose daily existence is one upheaval or explosion or emotional outburst after another? Call them drama queens -- or their male equivalent, crisis kings -- and call them a real challenge in dating relationships.
Advertisement
You are probably familiar with how these histrionic and havoc-wreaking types act, but have you ever wondered why they act that way? Psychologists point to several possible reasons:
A chaotic childhood atmosphere. When a child grows up in a home environment lacking stability and predictability, he becomes accustomed to turbulence. The only constants are change, emotional volatility, and the need to adapt to new situations. In such an atmosphere, it’s as if the gauge for what constitutes “normal life” is reset, with a greater need for emotional stimulation. As adults, these people consciously or subconsciously look for ways to satisfy the hunger for commotion.
A lack of internal peace. Healthy people have learned how to just “be”—they know how to enjoy calm moments, savor solitude, and tolerate times of boredom. Drama queens and crisis kings need turmoil to keep them stimulated and preoccupied. They have never learned to be comfortable in their own skin and at peace with themselves, so they are drawn to people and situations that bring disruption.
An avoidance strategy. Some people are so consumed with handling predicaments (or creating them) that it becomes a convenient excuse to avoid looking at real issues. With so many relationships to try to patch up and storms to weather, who’s got the time or energy to take a hard look at what’s going on inside?
An excessive need for attention. Nearly everyone enjoys the attention and interest of others—that’s part of being human. But some people have a disproportionate need for attention because of low self-esteem, a grandiose self-image, or a hollow space inside. A deep-down need is met when people gather around and say, “Wow, you’ve got it rough. How are you bearing up under this burden?” Nothing draws gawkers and onlookers like a train wreck, and that’s exactly what some people’s lives resemble.
A personality or mood disorder. A person with a psychological disorder such as narcissism, bipolar, or borderline personality may have significant behavioral or emotional problems that sometimes spells big trouble for long-term relationships. Some people with these kinds of disorders tend to exaggerate or mismanage emotions.
Here’s the crux of the matter for singles: Even the most normal and stable relationships have plenty of challenges to overcome, feelings to handle, and problems to solve. Beware of getting entangled with a man or woman drawn to excessive drama. Give yourself the best chance for a lasting, happy relationship by finding a partner who can stay level-headed and even-tempered.
Looking for a Great Relationship?
Get started now. Fill out this form and take the questionnaire to receive your matches.
RSS
13 Comments View this thread in our community
Anonymous
November 26,2011 at 05:39 pmWhat's funny is that my 2 sister-in-laws are huge attention seekers, and my sister is very quiet and reserved but the sister-in-laws create problems and then accuse the sister of being a drama queen. But men seem to like drama queens....
peg099
November 8,2009 at 03:18 pmFruitaBu
November 8,2009 at 02:41 pmI think I finally realized it was attention seeking. At first I just thought he had really horrible luck or that people took advantage of him. But then, as circumstances in his life would settle in one area, a total new crisis would evolve instantly.
You are right. It was EXHAUSTING. I ended up having to even end the friendship because he was sucking the life out of me.
meri75
November 7,2009 at 08:27 pmI answer 'Why? Do you need to be checked upon?' And then after we (hopefully) stop laughing, if I did call him, I tell him so and lead the conversation into why I was calling him.
Lilycat
November 7,2009 at 05:42 pmIf you did call him last night say so. Wouldn't read too much into it myself. Depends on what kind of other women he has known, and remember it takes all kinds to make a world.
On topic: I know a few people like the one FruitaBu describes and I find them tiring to be around at times as I am one of those "just be" people myself..... Attention seeking behaviour is how I see it, and I have a low tolerance for that.
jpsnickerdoodle
November 6,2009 at 07:19 amWhat would anyone say if a guy asks you "did you call my house phone last night to check up on me?"
I have called his house phone on numerous occasions, and this question kinda "took me aback"..
I was told by him it's a simple question and I read too much into it..
any thoughts?
FruitaBu
November 6,2009 at 06:17 amA lack of internal peace. Healthy people have learned how to just “be”—they know how to enjoy calm moments, savor solitude, and tolerate times of boredom. Drama queens and crisis kings need turmoil to keep them stimulated and preoccupied. They have never learned to be comfortable in their own skin and at peace with themselves, so they are drawn to people and situations that bring disruption.
This one really makes sense to me. I have a very close friend I considered dating at one time and this describes him so well. I have never met anyone pulled into more disruption. He always talks about how much he hates it, but over time I saw that he literally created huge crisis situations all by himself out of thin air. He could take a perfectly calm evening and turn it into a meltdown in 30 minutes.
It was very confusing for me because I am one of those people who like to just "be".
Can_I_just_be_Jo
October 30,2009 at 09:04 pmPersonal experience so not scientific, introverts are the dramas. Extroverts have too many things in their bag of tricks to get attention.
cornucopias
October 27,2009 at 03:16 pmThe article caught my attention because i have had an inordinate amount of catastrophes in the last few years, but it doesn't apply they were all real and external. (war, hurricanes, death etc). But a couple of the 'reasons' reminded me of a
DD who was a self described 'drama queen' she is both introvert and extrovert, but in her case it definitely stemmed from an internal control issue and anger. Funny she came into the world angry and it took most of her life to "prove to her" she was well loved and could learn to exercise self control so that she didn't require an external source (getting into trouble to force others to control her every move) she is a well adjusted adult now. But Nature and nurture were both major players in the situation.
m2d2usa
October 23,2009 at 07:03 am#4 could have been written about my former husband, a narcissistic surgeon who was diagnosed with bipolar disorder in his mid forties. But so could #1, #2, #3. I think it's important to note that #1 may contribute to the development of the narcissist and #2 and #3 should alert you to the possibility of an underlying disorder like narcissism. If someone is constantly drawing the attention to him/her self, even though they may be often very engaging, there is a problem--and you won't be able to "fix them" or help them by being drawn into it. While they may be black hole of attention seeking, they will make excuses of "emergencies" for not being able to engage emotionally or be accountable emotionally to the relationship. You can't fix them--stay away and run while you can!
Post new comment
Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *