7 Signs of a Desperate Dater

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"The first date was terrific and he hasn't called in four days," - Perhaps he doesn't think it was so terrific. I mean really, how hard is it to pick up the phone a couple days later and say "Hey, I had fun the other night. You wanna do it again sometime?" If he/she hasn't called you in FOUR days, that's not a good sign.
"And you're right, dating isn't a game - it's a dance. You're teaching this new person how you like to dance by the treatment you accept." - Semantics. It's the same thing. It's been called a dance for decades and sometime during the 1980s it became popular to refer to the same thing as a "game".
"If you choose to answer this call and say, "Sure, I'm free. Let's go to dinner," it isn't the end of the world. For the caller, however, it is impossible not to take note of your availability. You're starting to establish the pattern of desperation." - Wow... I'm amazed at the audacity of this statement. So because you had fun on the first date, "dude" hasn't called for four days and then calls you TEN minutes before he wants to go out, it makes you look desperate if you say "yes". Really?! Let's ignore all the red flags coming from his side. You liked this guy, you had a wonderful time, you've been on ONE date. It's not desperate to say "Give me 30 minutes and I can meet you there." or something similar. But it certainly doesn't make you desperate to say "yes" nor does establish the beginnings of a pattern. How absurd.
"Desperate Daters are Clingy" - Having been through issues of this nature myself and counseling friends past such behavior since, I can understand and agree with this statement. However, "So they hold on tightly. They ask a lot of prying questions, 'What did you do last night? Who was there?'" is not necessarily a sign of a Desperate Dater. If you hear this from your S.O., find a safe time to ask if they have ever been cheated on. Even long after I was past my Desperate Dan years, I caught myself asking questions like that because of a recent relationship where she cheated on me. It may not be a desperation thing, it may be a trust thing and that's something else entirely (and often worth working past).
"Desperate Daters fish for compliments." - There's so much wrong with this section I had trouble figuring out where to start. This isn't a desperation thing. It's insecurity. Insecurity lends to desperation, but it feeds into a lot more problems, many of them far more serious.
"The problem is that dating a person who puts their entire life on hold for you…is creepy. 'I know I usually go to Las Vegas with my friends for March Madness but I just want to be with you.'" - So he's desperate if he would rather not go to Vegas in favor of spending time with you? Far be it that he might be "growing up" and no longer have as much interest in such activities. People change, perhaps not entirely, but they shift. I once found wrestling to be the coolest thing ever. Now, I find it sophomoric and childish. I once found baseball to be amazing. Now, it bores me to tears. Before you jump to conclusions, like the author of the article clearly has, consider that he may no longer want to do those things and you just happened to be around when he's shifting away from them.

There's a lot of misinformation in this article that ignores numerous factors due to tunnel-visioning a single act or trait. If we were all so simple, we wouldn't have sites like e-harmony.

Being the single mother of a 3 year old child I can very rarely plan things too far in advance because things will come up with my son, baby sitters will cancel etc.. So, when I am available I am ready to go.

I understand that this seems a bit self-centered regarding another person's time. My opinion, they like you....they want to see you....should be thrilled that you have the time to get out. Unless they want to spend every evening available at my house. Of course not expecting every situation to be spontaneous and of course some things need to be planned in advance. If a man I like calls me to do something and I have someone to watch my son....I am there. Maybe it comes across as desperate and maybe I am....for adult interaction...etc.. Point is everyone's story is different. It is not black and white. I would resent being regarding as desperate because I do not pretend that I am busy. I crave getting out of the house.

I'm definitely not desperate. Most of the time I am very selfish with my time and people keep trying to eat it up! lol... But when I fall in love with someone, it turns me into a weird clingy needy human being, that is for sure. Could it just be that? One person is just in love? Research shows this is a natural response and doesn't necessarily signal anything wrong with someone. Of course it is awkward if not managed correctly and one person isn't feeling the vibe.

This has to be taken with a grain of salt. If a person has 5 or more of the signs, then yes. However, just about everyone I have dated or know, including me, scores one to three.

This article sounds more like a general guideline than absolute rules for dating. See, there are some people that are desperate for dating, but they are so bored in their life without someone that they will jump at the opportunity to go out on a date. So what! That doesn't make them a bad choice to date and it certainly isn't necessarily going to make them 'clingy'. But lets say for the percentage that does end up becoming 'clingy' they do, that doesn't always make them undesirable though. I'm sure there are some people out there that would like somebody clingy. I'm going to bet narcissists and other attention-hungry people would enjoy them. It's also a good chance that other 'desperate' people will enjoy the company of other desperate people. Remember, not everyone is exactly like everyone else, and that's no reason to dismiss those individuals. If you do, it just makes you inconsiderate - almost to the point of being selfish. Not that there's anything wrong with being a little selfish, but I was just making a point.

Bottom line, if you like someone, go ahead and date them. If you don't like them, don't. In my book, it's just wrong to say you're 'busy' when you're not, just to avoid them. Tell them the truth, if they can't handle it, maybe they aren't ready to be dating yet and need some therapy first. There's no need to compromise your integrity or morals and be labeled a liar, right?

Hoped you learned that you're not the only one involved when dating; it takes more than one party. Do yourself a favor and thing for yourself rather than accepting everything eHarmony has to say as the final word in your love life. Good luck, everyone!

"The irony is that while the person we've just described seems like a harder person to date - higher standards, more rules, less available - they are infinitely more likely to end up in a great relationship than the poor desperate soul who is willing to do double-backflips just to be with someone."
What if you have higher standards, more rules, aren't always available, and you STILL have yet to be in a good relationship?

I try to balance the line. If I am genuinely interested in the person, I prefer to text instead of call. I get to see the time difference between when I text and when they reply. Also, if someone has a very busy life, they can ignore a text until they have time to respond. I never text twice without a response in between. I never text someone first 2 days in a row. If after two weeks of texting, we have not yet met up to hang out, they have not texted me first, they reply to my text with one word replies, then I know they aren't really into it and I just let that fade into the background. Rather than ask "What were you doing last night, with whom?" I tend to ask things along the lines of "If you were trapped on an island forever and could only eat 3 different foods for the rest of your life, what would you pick?"

I'm not desperate, but when I am interested in a person, I like to make an active effort to show my interest and get to know them. Whether it fizzles out or fires up depends on how interested they are in me and how well we get along. I don't hang my life on getting to know one person picked at random. There are nearly 3 billion people on this planet. Even if it feels right in the first 5 mins, that doesn't mean it will be right for life. I will never settle for less than someone who loves me as much as I love them. You shouldn't settle for less either. I am a lady, looking for a man who is just right for ME. I have a guy I am talking to right now and it seems like if it isn't love, it is at the *absolute least* the beginning of a great friendship. What is love without friendship? I'd rather be on the path to friends and wind up in love than be on the "path to love" and wind up without friends because I came on too strong and they're afraid I can't see them as anything but a potential bf. Make friends first, make love when you're certain it will be returned in kind.

Desperate / clingy.... Well Im self employed and there are times my days change and new plans need to be made. If I get that kinda chance I go for it. My thinking is hey this person is worthwhile so why not try and have fun. To me clingy/deperate is when the other wants your attention all the time. Just ended a relationship where I felt that way. She would stall my morning departure and call 4-5 times wondering when Id be back. Making appointments and saying she has no ride, just to find out she did. I am oldschool and feel that yes we need to be close, on that note we all have to live too. my time at work is my time, my break to be myself by myself. When I get back yes you do have my attention! My favorite one was the midday call.... Its really important I tell you now, but Iforgot what I had to tell you! Really?.....

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