Steve Harvey: Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man

Steve Harvey sits down with eHarmony to talk about his new book, Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man. In this candid interview, Harvey reveals what men really think about love, relationships and commitment.

by eHarmony Staff

Steve Harvey is now answering your questions about love and dating. Get his advice on your unique situation!

Funny man Steve Harvey host of the nationally syndicated "Steve Harvey Morning Show" and one of the Kings of Comedy, has added best-selling author to his resume. His book, Act Like A Lady , Think Like a Man, is No.1 on the New York Times Hardcover Advice Best-Seller list and on amazon.com. Now, with appearances on "The Oprah Winfrey Show," "The Tyra Banks Show" and "Today," sales of the book are sure to skyrocket even more.

In Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man Harvey reveals what men really think about love, relationships and commitment -- and how women can tell if they have a man with whom they can make plans, or a man who is just playing with them.

eHarmony: Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man seems to have hit a nerve that people are responding to. Why do think that is?

Steve Harvey: It has been so rewarding to hear people talk about the content of the book in all walks of life. I was very careful in constructing this book to make sure it had no color to it and that is the beautiful thing. I am talking about a subject I am an absolute expert on and that is manhood. I am not an expert on women. I don't know a man who is, but I am an expert on manhood. We all think the same no matter what. I don't care how much we make, what we do for a living, what our religion is or what color we are. It doesn't matter, men think the same.

So when I sat down to write this book, I wrote it from the standpoint of what I was an expert at and from where I had the greatest source of information -- and that was all of my friends who happen to be men. They are from all walks of life -- ballplayers, actors, truck drivers, insurance salesmen, guys I worked in the factory with when I was at Ford motors, and my father. I found that we teach this thought process to our sons. It is just how we are. It is in our DNA. So it is valuable information for a woman to gain. It is real conversation from a man who has no ulterior motive other than to tell them the truth.

eHarmony: So how are you friends reacting to your giving away their secrets?

Steve Harvey: All of my friends are really cool with it. Some guys don't get it, but they haven't read the book either, as don't a lot of men. Sometimes men don't read, so they think it is giving up the game, but it shouldn't be a game when it comes to somebody's happiness and somebody's life. It should be a fair exchange. I think the disadvantage some women have had is they haven't been exposed to the way men think of things. Once you know how a man thinks, how he processes information, his thought patterns, then you can make a decision. A lot of times you can make the most out of a man if you understand what makes him tick, what drives him, and what he has to have. That is what I do in the book. I expose to women what drives men, how men love and what men have to have. Then I teach women how to get how to get those things from a particular candidate that they are interested in.

eHarmony: What are the biggest mistakes women make when dating?

Steve Harvey: One of the biggest mistakes women make is they expect their love to be returned the exact same way they give it out. That is one of the biggest mistakes because our love is a little bit different. It is still love, but it is not as encompassing as a woman's love. There are women who have great men, but they don't recognize it because they don't get a couple of things.

For example, a woman's love covers a number of things: It is communication skills, it is caring, and it is a nurturing skill. Women are great nurturers, great communicators. If a man gets sick, a woman nurtures him back to health just like it is in her DNA to nurture a child. She sits with you, she puts your head in her lap, she rocks with you, she checks on you constantly, she will even lay down with you and she stays with you until you are okay.

Guys' nurturing is different. We fill the prescription for you, we will heat up a can of soup, and then we go in and watch ESPN and, if you need us, call us. We love you, but how we demonstrate that love is what I call the three Ps of love: We profess, we provide and we protect.

That is how a man -- if he loves you -- this is how you can tell he loves you: He provides for you. Whatever his economic structure is, he provides for you and he will give you whatever he can. He will profess. If you have been dating a guy for six months, he has a title for you. If after six months, he is still calling you a friend, he has no plans for you. It doesn't take us six months to figure out if you are the one. We are just not that difficult. We are simple people.

The last P is protect. He will let nothing happen to you within his means. A man loves in threes, if he tells you he loves you, but he doesn't protect or provide for you, he is just telling you what you want to hear to get what he wants. He doesn't really love you.

eHarmony: When a couple is dating, what are the top red flags that can turn a man off to a woman?

Steve Harvey: Smokers throw a lot of guys off. I know guys who don't like dating women who smoke. Every guy I talk to doesn't really care for women who are not striving in their life to have something of their own. We love confidence, we love independence. [We don't like it] if a woman is too needy. There is a difference between needing and wanting. You can go into a relationship wanting it to work -- wanting a husband, wanting a family -- but you can't be too needy. Neediness throws us off.

Another red flag, a really simple thing for men is if you don't take care of your house or your person, especially your feet and your hands. Men don't talk about it [to women], but we talk about it among ourselves. Your feet and your hands are critical. I don't want to pull the sheets back and your foot looks like my foot.

eHarmony: I guess it goes without saying then that women need to keep their legs shaved?

Steve Harvey: Grooming is critical, just like it is critical for a woman. Women want a well-groomed man. Women think we don't look at stuff, but we are a very simple people, we like shiny things. We are attracted to the shine and the glitz.

Click here to purchase a copy of Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man!