Steve Harvey: Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man

Steve Harvey sits down with eHarmony to talk about his new book, Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man. In this candid interview, Harvey reveals what men really think about love, relationships and commitment.

Steve Harvey: Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man
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Steve Harvey is now answering your questions about love and dating. Get his advice on your unique situation!

 

Funny man Steve Harvey host of the nationally syndicated "Steve Harvey Morning Show" and one of the Kings of Comedy, has added best-selling author to his resume. His book, Act Like A Lady , Think Like a Man, is No.1 on the New York Times Hardcover Advice Best-Seller list and on amazon.com. Now, with appearances on "The Oprah Winfrey Show," "The Tyra Banks Show" and "Today," sales of the book are sure to skyrocket even more.

 

In Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man Harvey reveals what men really think about love, relationships and commitment -- and how women can tell if they have a man with whom they can make plans, or a man who is just playing with them.

eHarmony: Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man seems to have hit a nerve that people are responding to. Why do think that is?

 

Steve Harvey: It has been so rewarding to hear people talk about the content of the book in all walks of life. I was very careful in constructing this book to make sure it had no color to it and that is the beautiful thing. I am talking about a subject I am an absolute expert on and that is manhood. I am not an expert on women. I don't know a man who is, but I am an expert on manhood. We all think the same no matter what. I don't care how much we make, what we do for a living, what our religion is or what color we are. It doesn't matter, men think the same.

 

So when I sat down to write this book, I wrote it from the standpoint of what I was an expert at and from where I had the greatest source of information -- and that was all of my friends who happen to be men. They are from all walks of life -- ballplayers, actors, truck drivers, insurance salesmen, guys I worked in the factory with when I was at Ford motors, and my father. I found that we teach this thought process to our sons. It is just how we are. It is in our DNA. So it is valuable information for a woman to gain. It is real conversation from a man who has no ulterior motive other than to tell them the truth.

eHarmony: So how are you friends reacting to your giving away their secrets?

 

Steve Harvey: All of my friends are really cool with it. Some guys don't get it, but they haven't read the book either, as don't a lot of men. Sometimes men don't read, so they think it is giving up the game, but it shouldn't be a game when it comes to somebody's happiness and somebody's life. It should be a fair exchange. I think the disadvantage some women have had is they haven't been exposed to the way men think of things. Once you know how a man thinks, how he processes information, his thought patterns, then you can make a decision. A lot of times you can make the most out of a man if you understand what makes him tick, what drives him, and what he has to have. That is what I do in the book. I expose to women what drives men, how men love and what men have to have. Then I teach women how to get how to get those things from a particular candidate that they are interested in.

 

eHarmony: What are the biggest mistakes women make when dating?

Steve Harvey: One of the biggest mistakes women make is they expect their love to be returned the exact same way they give it out. That is one of the biggest mistakes because our love is a little bit different. It is still love, but it is not as encompassing as a woman's love. There are women who have great men, but they don't recognize it because they don't get a couple of things.

For example, a woman's love covers a number of things: It is communication skills, it is caring, and it is a nurturing skill. Women are great nurturers, great communicators. If a man gets sick, a woman nurtures him back to health just like it is in her DNA to nurture a child. She sits with you, she puts your head in her lap, she rocks with you, she checks on you constantly, she will even lay down with you and she stays with you until you are okay.

Guys' nurturing is different. We fill the prescription for you, we will heat up a can of soup, and then we go in and watch ESPN and, if you need us, call us. We love you, but how we demonstrate that love is what I call the three Ps of love: We profess, we provide and we protect.

That is how a man -- if he loves you -- this is how you can tell he loves you: He provides for you. Whatever his economic structure is, he provides for you and he will give you whatever he can. He will profess. If you have been dating a guy for six months, he has a title for you. If after six months, he is still calling you a friend, he has no plans for you. It doesn't take us six months to figure out if you are the one. We are just not that difficult. We are simple people.

 

The last P is protect. He will let nothing happen to you within his means. A man loves in threes, if he tells you he loves you, but he doesn't protect or provide for you, he is just telling you what you want to hear to get what he wants. He doesn't really love you.

 

eHarmony: When a couple is dating, what are the top red flags that can turn a man off to a woman?

 

Steve Harvey: Smokers throw a lot of guys off. I know guys who don't like dating women who smoke. Every guy I talk to doesn't really care for women who are not striving in their life to have something of their own. We love confidence, we love independence. [We don't like it] if a woman is too needy. There is a difference between needing and wanting. You can go into a relationship wanting it to work -- wanting a husband, wanting a family -- but you can't be too needy. Neediness throws us off.

 

Another red flag, a really simple thing for men is if you don't take care of your house or your person, especially your feet and your hands. Men don't talk about it [to women], but we talk about it among ourselves. Your feet and your hands are critical. I don't want to pull the sheets back and your foot looks like my foot.

eHarmony: I guess it goes without saying then that women need to keep their legs shaved?

Steve Harvey: Grooming is critical, just like it is critical for a woman. Women want a well-groomed man. Women think we don't look at stuff, but we are a very simple people, we like shiny things. We are attracted to the shine and the glitz.

Click here to purchase a copy of Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man!

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38 comments on “Steve Harvey: Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man


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[COLOR=red]There's a whole generation of women who are settling for any kind of behavior from men because no one ever told them to have some standards. If you're older, that makes no sense. If you were raised "right," that makes no sense. But look at all the women who are "sharing" men, in "relationships" with married/involved men, "dating" men for decades, having their babies, living with them, and still wondering and asking when and if they'll ever get married (I'm not talking about women who don't want to be married, just the ones who stick with these men who won't commit to them in a way that makes them feel fulfilled).[/COLOR]
I agree that there are hordes of women out there who don't have any standards when it comes to what kind of man they want and how they want to be treated. They will share men, date married men, anything goes. I had a neighbor once who was "dating" a married man and had two children by him. He straight out told her that he would never, ever leave his family. She told me that she loved him and he loved her and that was OK with her. Yikes. Anyway he had his "legal" family living in a nice big house while the "girlfriend" lived in a little hovel with her two children. Some women are just happy to have a man around no matter how bad he is. I also had a relative who had a horrible husband. He openly lied, cheated, was emotionally abusive - you name it. He did everything to her except physically abuse her. What she said to me was that she felt that having a bad man was better than having no man at all. I couldn't believe that she had said that and we ended up fighting about it numerous times. It happened a long time ago but I will never forget that. Anyway [I]he[/I] eventually left [I]her [/I]and found someone to marry that he could respect and who wouldn't take any of his crap. He has been married to that woman for almost 25 yrs. now and he treats [I]her[/I] like a queen. I agree with Steve that if women do set standards for what they want from a man and what they will tolerate they will either find someone who is willing to treat them the way they want to be treated or they will be alone. Either way I don't think women, or men for that matter, should lower their standards just to have someone in their lives. Personally for me, I would rather wait for someone who will treat me like I feel I deserve to be treated. I would rather be alone than settle.
- September 01, 2009 07:20 PM

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Oh come on, Kevin, what's wrong with learning to get in touch with your feminine side! Seriously, though, the man says repeatedly that he's not a relationship expert. Says it all the time. ALL THE TIME on his radio show and on the tv appearances I've seen him do. What he does say is that he is an expert on being a man; a stupid one, an immature one, and a better one - he's been all of them. (His words paraphrased, not mine.) He's played the game, done his dirt, and is revealing to women the cards men who behave this way keep close so that women can recognize game when they see it. Please believe that to some men "relationships" are just a game. There's a whole generation of women who are settling for any kind of behavior from men because no one ever told them to have some standards. If you're older, that makes no sense. If you were raised "right," that makes no sense. But look at all the women who are "sharing" men, in "relationships" with married/involved men, "dating" men for decades, having their babies, living with them, and still wondering and asking when and if they'll ever get married (I'm not talking about women who don't want to be married, just the ones who stick with these men who won't commit to them in a way that makes them feel fulfilled). If you listen to his show and hear the Strawberry Letters, you'll understand why he wrote the book - there are lots, LOTS of women out there who just don't know this common sense stuff. I should clarify my previous statement - every WOMAN MY AGE has heard those adages about keeping each other satisfied and happy at home. I'm not so sure about the younger ladies. I'm kind of afraid of the kinds of things they've heard/learned about how to treat the one you love. But then again, all you have to do is look at tv shows, videos, and movies to get an idea. Frightening.
- September 01, 2009 05:52 PM

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....about Steve Harvey maybe having been married 3 times (I don't know anything about that)....but..... I agree with: [COLOR=red]Okay, so maybe he learned by experience, or maybe he's just selling a book. Like you said, everyone has their views.[/COLOR] [COLOR=red]But I'd rather judge the book by what it says, not by the author's personal life.[/COLOR] There are lots of books out there written by so called "relationship experts" who have been married multiple times so if that is true we really shouldn't judge him on that. I found a lot of what he said very interesting and informative and a lot of it fits with information I have read in other books. So I guess you can read it (or not), and take what you want from it.;)
- September 01, 2009 12:20 PM

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