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Cancer, chemotherapy, and the meaning of life... Those topics may not be the early foundations of most new relationships (especially for 24 year-olds) but those topics were our focus when Brett and I fell in love. No one knows when, where, or why cancer strikes. It is devastating, unfair, and forever life-changing but cancer can sometimes bring people together. That is how our story unfolded.
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He just seemed so interesting and I had loved reading his profile so I retreated, decided to break my own rules, and initiated communication with him. I am so glad I listened to my heart - especially since Brett had been away from his computer while traveling to Egypt after Christmas! Once he returned from Egypt we began communicating on January 20 and every day I looked forward to his messages. We talked on the phone the first week of February and it felt like I was chatting with an old friend. We talked, laughed, and truly listened to each other for hours. We decided to meet for coffee in Des Moines on February 9 and I could barely contain my excitement!
Then, it hit. Brett had told me about his recent back pain and a mass that was found on one of his back ribs. He was awaiting the results of a biopsy and we were nervous but hopeful since he was only 24 years old. Nothing could have prepared us for his diagnosis on February 8. He had Ewing's Sarcoma, a rare, aggressive cancer that only affects about two out of every million people. Brett was distraught. He had witnessed his father's treatments for Mantle Cell Lymphoma in the previous year and Brett knew his life would never be the same. He questioned why he had been targeted with such a terrible disease and he wondered how long he would survive. I, too, was distraught because even in a short amount of time I had come to consider Brett a close friend and I had stronger feelings for him than any previous match. I was unsure of what to do or how I could help so I prayed and continued to be Brett's friend.
He began chemotherapy and his father was in remission from his Lymphoma so he was a major support for Brett. As friends, Brett and I emailed each other nearly every day, talked on the phone, and met for lunch in May. On May 27, 2008 he had surgery to remove his tumor and a rib and it was very successful because the first six rounds of chemotherapy had killed the tumor. However, as Brett was coming out of surgery, his father had a seizure and major complications as his Lymphoma returned. It was unfair and unexplainable and I tried my best to help Brett through his depression that followed that summer.
We maintained close contact and I half-heartedly continued my eHarmony membership because I figured that Brett would never be ready for anything more than friendship. I compared all of my matches to Brett and I just wanted to be with him but I didn't want to lose him as a friend. Apparently, he was feeling the exact same way.
He wanted to date me but was worried that would be asking too much of me and he didn't want to lose me as a friend. After ten rounds of chemotherapy and good news from his PET Scans his doctors started to use the word "cured." This gave Brett a surge of hope and he finally decided to ask me, on August 6, 2008, if I would ever consider being his girlfriend. He still had four rounds of chemotherapy to complete but he was afraid I would move on and find someone else. So, he took a chance and asked me on a date. We had been through so much together and I had never turned my heart away from him so I was incredibly happy when went on our first real date on August 8, 2008.
That night, as we watched the torch being ignited for the 2008 Olympics Opening Ceremony, we had our first kiss. From that point onward, our lives would never be the same. Within three weeks we knew we were soul mates and that we were going to be partners for life. Brett proposed on October 9, 2008 and we are planning our wedding for July 18, 2009! He finished his fourteenth and final round of chemotherapy on October 31 and is cancer-free and we pray that will never change.
Many nights we talk about the meaning of life, what he is supposed to do with this gift of life, and how thankful we are to share our lives together. We pray that his father will have success with his cancer battle and that he will be able to share in the joy of our wedding ceremony. It's amazing to be in love but it seems you can't get here without listening to your heart and taking chances. I almost closed the match. He almost let his disease control his life. Fear of losing each other almost kept us apart. None of us knows what the future holds but we are grateful for this day, this love, and this life.
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